Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Speechless
I could sense it when You called, somehow. I knew your mind was made up, and I could feel that you wanted - no, you needed an escape.
And so I gave it to you, my dear. As I did once before, I gave it because it was the right thing to do. I set you free, to be with him, because I loved you.
Selfishness kicked in; for that I apologise profusely. I had to ring up and fight, and I made you ill at ease for far too long; I had to give it one last shot - I had to - what man does not fight for his lady love?
And for that am so sorry my love, we did not part on the best of footings.
Right now I am feeling a little betrayed, yes - because it was you! You, fiery, funny and smart. You whom I trusted and thought you were so strong. You, who are so alive and vivacious.
But then I see it was not your fault, nor mine, perhaps his. These things happen; time happens, distance happens. And I love you too much to blame you.
Mostly I guess I just feel so, so sad. We were, and we could have been. But you have Chosen.
I suppose in retrospect it was easy to see; he was near you always and I could not bring myself to try to control the woman I loved. You did not feel for him at first, but time and persistence and proximity always win. Absence makes the heart go wander.
Easy to see; you moved nearer him, more time together. Your exams, my work schedule; we fell away from each other.
But all this time I have continued to tell people of the day we would meet again; all this time I dreamt that in just a few months we could be nearby again, and let the magic begin once more.
Goodbye, my funny Ice Queen.
Farewell, my lady.
And so I gave it to you, my dear. As I did once before, I gave it because it was the right thing to do. I set you free, to be with him, because I loved you.
Selfishness kicked in; for that I apologise profusely. I had to ring up and fight, and I made you ill at ease for far too long; I had to give it one last shot - I had to - what man does not fight for his lady love?
And for that am so sorry my love, we did not part on the best of footings.
Right now I am feeling a little betrayed, yes - because it was you! You, fiery, funny and smart. You whom I trusted and thought you were so strong. You, who are so alive and vivacious.
But then I see it was not your fault, nor mine, perhaps his. These things happen; time happens, distance happens. And I love you too much to blame you.
Mostly I guess I just feel so, so sad. We were, and we could have been. But you have Chosen.
I suppose in retrospect it was easy to see; he was near you always and I could not bring myself to try to control the woman I loved. You did not feel for him at first, but time and persistence and proximity always win. Absence makes the heart go wander.
Easy to see; you moved nearer him, more time together. Your exams, my work schedule; we fell away from each other.
But all this time I have continued to tell people of the day we would meet again; all this time I dreamt that in just a few months we could be nearby again, and let the magic begin once more.
Goodbye, my funny Ice Queen.
Farewell, my lady.
