Sunday, November 06, 2005
Stand Clear of the Closing Doors
Sometimes when people ask questions, they're not really interested in
hearing the truth at all - sometimes they're just interested in hearing an
answer which satisfies them.
We are all driven by different motives. Often these motives are
transparent, but sometimes when other peoples' actions seem
irrational we hazard guesses at their motives. Irrational behavior is
usually precipitated by some bloke fancying some bird (or vice versa)?
but sometimes it's something far more childish, such as enlisting
someone to side in an imaginary war? trying to turn people against
each other with your own half-informed brand of truth.
I didn't hazard any guesses at your motives. I really wanted to let
the issue slide.
Since you're busy rooting around a year down the road, why don't I give you a little helping hand?
*****
Let's imagine a hypothetical scenario.
What would you do if you were friends with a girl, and some guy hit on
her, and then on another girl who was friends with her? Would you tell
the girl? Or would you try to get her friend to tell her?
*****
Now let's complicate the issue a bit for the sake of argument.
We'll have to name the characters in this story or else it's going to get really confusing for all of us.
So let's have a Girl A.
Girl A is interested in Guy Z.
Girl A is also close friends with Girl B. (great, this is beginning to sound like a whodunit)
Guy X is the dumb fuck caught in the middle of the mess that's about to unfold.
Okay, let's up the ante a little. Let's have Girl A already kinda going with Guy Z. Point of inference - body language, hand on knee, hand on leg... well you know, the usual guy things.
Oh, that and she tells Guy X about it. Then binds him to silence. (although, at the time of writing that restriction has been removed, thankfully)
So here's where it gets complicated : one evening Girl A asks Guy Z, Guy X, and Girl B out for drinks.
Guy Z still seems totally into Girl A, same "handiwork" (ahaha). Girl A seems to be having a good time. Girl B seems her usual self - a little oblivious to the world around her (ie doesn't notice the handiwork) and Guy X is tagging along for the ride and having a laugh with a very good friend... who he shan't put a letter to because there's too many damn letters in this story already.
At some point, Guy Z and Guy X wind up in the toilet together.
Get your minds out of the gutter, this isn't that kind of story.
So they're standing in front of the mirror not looking at each other (as guys do) and Guy Z turns to Guy X and says, that Girl B, she's quite something eh?
Guy X thinks ?eh? did I hear that right? aren't you with girl... A? but just smiles a little vacantly and agrees.
Party breaks up, Guy Z flies off to oz for a little sun, sea, and sex with an ex (ah. but he was "just meeting her" eh...) and first thing he does is send back an SMS. Sweet.
To Girl B. To tell her how impressed he is with her, and ask her to date him.
Girl B tells Guy X about it, and says she's totally uninterested in Guy Z so that's okay. (ah apparently in retrospect she also bound him to silence... but he doesn't recall this at all?)
Guy X is a little disturbed, cos Girl A's still pretty keen on Guy Z... and Guy Z is still sending her the sweet ickle SMSs too.
So he suggests to Girl B that she tell her buddy Girl A about it... after all, today Girl A, tomorrow, Girl C? D? Little Miss Dictionary? Geesh.
Girl B insists that Guy X is over-reacting and its all ok because she's not interested in the guy. Also, she has a feeling Girl A might kinda like Guy Z, so she doesn't want to get in the way...
So Guy X spends the next week getting to know Girl A better. It turns out that she's
1) really really interested in Guy Z... you know the usual... he's really really nice, he's nice, he's so really nice, him? lie? you've got to be joking... blablah
2) the type of girl to whom knowing the truth - regardless of how unpleasant it might be - is more important than happiness built on a lie.
They discussed many hypothetical scenarios of cheating husbands, cheating boyfriends, and cheats in general, and nice guys who aren't... and Girl A was impressively consistent with her single-minded dedication to truth.
See, there's the nice people who'd rather live in the matrix and just be happy - because sometimes it's important to have a few lies to keep us happy -- and there're other people who'd press the big red button and switch off / blow up the matrix and make everyone else see the grim reality of the greasy world around them - complete with mechanical squid eating out their brains - because.... well I think mebbe it's just a genetic defect, but they get to wear cool trenchcoats and darkglasses so who cares, right?
Anyhow, it turned out Girl A was the matrix kinda girl, and she was also his friend, so Guy X - after a lot of deliberation - decided to tell her the truth.
Unfortunately - this is where it gets complicated again - Guy X began his friendship with Girl A on the premise of attraction. In truth, he begins quite a few of his friendships with females in this manner - it's probably a global phenomenon, except that Guy X believes in brutal honesty and telling it the way he sees it right from the start. There is a caveat though, and he usually spells it out too - that attraction may not - and in his case, usually does not - lead any further than friendship, when two people get to know each other too well... And Guy X does not act on attraction until it proves to be sustainable over time.
Guy X is caught in a quandry - tell the truth and risk being mistaken for an opportunistic wrecker of relationships (and unfairly so, because he and Girl A have arrived at the definitely nothing more - or less - than friends stage) or stay silent and watch his friend be hurt.
It is thus that he attempts to enlist Girl B's help in telling her friend the truth - he calls her, and asks her if she will speak to Girl A. She reluctantly agrees, then changes her mind and doesn't - but that is enough to make Girl A understand the truth.
And then suddenly Guy X is having... difficulties with Girl B, and her faithful retainers.
An attempt at communication some months later makes him realise that he and Girl B are very disparate individuals. Her motives for keeping silent - because this was her friend, and not a stranger whom she could speak more freely with; because she wasn't interested in the guy, and because it wouldn't involve her at all. Her reason for being angry - because Guy X put her on the spot, and apparently chose Girl B over her.
That was never his intention, to choose between friends.
How's that for a ridiculously and unnecessarily convoluted, and utterly juvenile short story?
*****
And so now one has heard the truth, and since one is apparently still - one year down the line - so intent on seeking out "answers" - there are several possible paths for you - who are probably, in your own deluded mind, trying to "protect" Girl B - and perhaps even the rest of Guy X's friends from himself.
You can choose to disbelieve these truths - and motives. That's well and fine. Shrug.
You can still do the decent thing and actually consult the person to whom this story truly belongs - Girl A. You can actually try to seek out the truth at its source - instead of creating one from the shadows.
Go ahead - she's waiting for you.
And perhaps you cold stop placing any more people in the middle of all this, and making them feel awkward. Instead of trying to make them take a side... in an imaginary war.
*****
Thank you, Girl A, for releasing Guy X from his bond of silence.
*****
AK-47
1/3 oz. Brandy
1/3 oz. Whiskey
1/3 oz. Gin
1/3 oz. Vodka
1/3 oz. Rum
1/3 oz. Bourbon Whiskey
1/3 oz. Cointreau
1/3 oz. Lime (Fresh)
Fill with Soda Water
well that certainly explains a lot...
hearing the truth at all - sometimes they're just interested in hearing an
answer which satisfies them.
We are all driven by different motives. Often these motives are
transparent, but sometimes when other peoples' actions seem
irrational we hazard guesses at their motives. Irrational behavior is
usually precipitated by some bloke fancying some bird (or vice versa)?
but sometimes it's something far more childish, such as enlisting
someone to side in an imaginary war? trying to turn people against
each other with your own half-informed brand of truth.
I didn't hazard any guesses at your motives. I really wanted to let
the issue slide.
Since you're busy rooting around a year down the road, why don't I give you a little helping hand?
*****
Let's imagine a hypothetical scenario.
What would you do if you were friends with a girl, and some guy hit on
her, and then on another girl who was friends with her? Would you tell
the girl? Or would you try to get her friend to tell her?
*****
Now let's complicate the issue a bit for the sake of argument.
We'll have to name the characters in this story or else it's going to get really confusing for all of us.
So let's have a Girl A.
Girl A is interested in Guy Z.
Girl A is also close friends with Girl B. (great, this is beginning to sound like a whodunit)
Guy X is the dumb fuck caught in the middle of the mess that's about to unfold.
Okay, let's up the ante a little. Let's have Girl A already kinda going with Guy Z. Point of inference - body language, hand on knee, hand on leg... well you know, the usual guy things.
Oh, that and she tells Guy X about it. Then binds him to silence. (although, at the time of writing that restriction has been removed, thankfully)
So here's where it gets complicated : one evening Girl A asks Guy Z, Guy X, and Girl B out for drinks.
Guy Z still seems totally into Girl A, same "handiwork" (ahaha). Girl A seems to be having a good time. Girl B seems her usual self - a little oblivious to the world around her (ie doesn't notice the handiwork) and Guy X is tagging along for the ride and having a laugh with a very good friend... who he shan't put a letter to because there's too many damn letters in this story already.
At some point, Guy Z and Guy X wind up in the toilet together.
Get your minds out of the gutter, this isn't that kind of story.
So they're standing in front of the mirror not looking at each other (as guys do) and Guy Z turns to Guy X and says, that Girl B, she's quite something eh?
Guy X thinks ?eh? did I hear that right? aren't you with girl... A? but just smiles a little vacantly and agrees.
Party breaks up, Guy Z flies off to oz for a little sun, sea, and sex with an ex (ah. but he was "just meeting her" eh...) and first thing he does is send back an SMS. Sweet.
To Girl B. To tell her how impressed he is with her, and ask her to date him.
Girl B tells Guy X about it, and says she's totally uninterested in Guy Z so that's okay. (ah apparently in retrospect she also bound him to silence... but he doesn't recall this at all?)
Guy X is a little disturbed, cos Girl A's still pretty keen on Guy Z... and Guy Z is still sending her the sweet ickle SMSs too.
So he suggests to Girl B that she tell her buddy Girl A about it... after all, today Girl A, tomorrow, Girl C? D? Little Miss Dictionary? Geesh.
Girl B insists that Guy X is over-reacting and its all ok because she's not interested in the guy. Also, she has a feeling Girl A might kinda like Guy Z, so she doesn't want to get in the way...
So Guy X spends the next week getting to know Girl A better. It turns out that she's
1) really really interested in Guy Z... you know the usual... he's really really nice, he's nice, he's so really nice, him? lie? you've got to be joking... blablah
2) the type of girl to whom knowing the truth - regardless of how unpleasant it might be - is more important than happiness built on a lie.
They discussed many hypothetical scenarios of cheating husbands, cheating boyfriends, and cheats in general, and nice guys who aren't... and Girl A was impressively consistent with her single-minded dedication to truth.
See, there's the nice people who'd rather live in the matrix and just be happy - because sometimes it's important to have a few lies to keep us happy -- and there're other people who'd press the big red button and switch off / blow up the matrix and make everyone else see the grim reality of the greasy world around them - complete with mechanical squid eating out their brains - because.... well I think mebbe it's just a genetic defect, but they get to wear cool trenchcoats and darkglasses so who cares, right?
Anyhow, it turned out Girl A was the matrix kinda girl, and she was also his friend, so Guy X - after a lot of deliberation - decided to tell her the truth.
Unfortunately - this is where it gets complicated again - Guy X began his friendship with Girl A on the premise of attraction. In truth, he begins quite a few of his friendships with females in this manner - it's probably a global phenomenon, except that Guy X believes in brutal honesty and telling it the way he sees it right from the start. There is a caveat though, and he usually spells it out too - that attraction may not - and in his case, usually does not - lead any further than friendship, when two people get to know each other too well... And Guy X does not act on attraction until it proves to be sustainable over time.
Guy X is caught in a quandry - tell the truth and risk being mistaken for an opportunistic wrecker of relationships (and unfairly so, because he and Girl A have arrived at the definitely nothing more - or less - than friends stage) or stay silent and watch his friend be hurt.
It is thus that he attempts to enlist Girl B's help in telling her friend the truth - he calls her, and asks her if she will speak to Girl A. She reluctantly agrees, then changes her mind and doesn't - but that is enough to make Girl A understand the truth.
And then suddenly Guy X is having... difficulties with Girl B, and her faithful retainers.
An attempt at communication some months later makes him realise that he and Girl B are very disparate individuals. Her motives for keeping silent - because this was her friend, and not a stranger whom she could speak more freely with; because she wasn't interested in the guy, and because it wouldn't involve her at all. Her reason for being angry - because Guy X put her on the spot, and apparently chose Girl B over her.
That was never his intention, to choose between friends.
How's that for a ridiculously and unnecessarily convoluted, and utterly juvenile short story?
*****
And so now one has heard the truth, and since one is apparently still - one year down the line - so intent on seeking out "answers" - there are several possible paths for you - who are probably, in your own deluded mind, trying to "protect" Girl B - and perhaps even the rest of Guy X's friends from himself.
You can choose to disbelieve these truths - and motives. That's well and fine. Shrug.
You can still do the decent thing and actually consult the person to whom this story truly belongs - Girl A. You can actually try to seek out the truth at its source - instead of creating one from the shadows.
Go ahead - she's waiting for you.
And perhaps you cold stop placing any more people in the middle of all this, and making them feel awkward. Instead of trying to make them take a side... in an imaginary war.
*****
Thank you, Girl A, for releasing Guy X from his bond of silence.
*****
AK-47
1/3 oz. Brandy
1/3 oz. Whiskey
1/3 oz. Gin
1/3 oz. Vodka
1/3 oz. Rum
1/3 oz. Bourbon Whiskey
1/3 oz. Cointreau
1/3 oz. Lime (Fresh)
Fill with Soda Water
well that certainly explains a lot...
