Monday, October 10, 2005
Wits and Loss
Revelation, 1:1 (The Book of Re-minisce) --
"It taketh, to achieveth that same high nine minutes on the treadmill delivereth, an equivalent measure three hours in the swimming pool. eth."
Something tells me that that's a poorer happy-quotient for swimming than running...
and now my shoulders hurt.
*****
It came as a surprise.
As we spoke, my intuitions flared - this stranger was... unexpected. He was... decent.
More than that, he had a certain maturity about him. And a tinge of sadness.
Most surprisingly though, he had enough insight to differentiate intentions, from actions. And the grace to react accordingly.
As I listened to him, I understood. He was easy to understand - he was someone very much like myself.
Truth is a double-edged sword.
*****
I had a strange dream, the other night.
It was very brief, but it involved me having to stand up a woman - actually, one of the consultants - for lunch.
Don't get me wrong, in real life there's nothing of the sort going on. But... all I remember from the dream was telling her that I couldn't show up, and her sounding really disappointed.
Shrug. Not a very interesting dream eh.
Except that I dream, what... once a year? If at all?
*****
And then, I had another dream last night. I wonder what all this means, this invasion of dreams into my otherwise peaceful sleep... dreams that I can actually remember?
This one had something to do with being with my ex.
Funny, I had absolute clarity of memory for hours after the dream, but now its slipped away...
...strange.
*****
Today, in summary :
Got up, went back to sleep, got up, went back to sleep (yummy!)
got up, was offered lunch by the mother, fled to the gym in abject terror (relief!), worked out for an hour, didnt run (rats.), knackered, lay down by poolside (by this time, of course, no longer sunny much to my disappointment), fell asleep for an hour (yummy!), swam for two hours, intermission for sit-ups, swam for another, (total : 80 laps), went to church, went for steamboat with german and canadian friends, cosy after dinner conversation in flat (felt like there should have been an open fire nearby, somehow), home.
Nice :)
*****
Tomorrow, in summary :
On call.
Not Nice.
*****
Insight arrived, bizzarly, as I was underwater - it felt like a veil had been lifted from my blinkered eyes.
The root of the problem hadn't been poor communication...
... it had been an utter lack of understanding, of intentions. And an inability to sense their meaning.
We fear what we do not understand.
It was a strange irony.
Perhaps this bridge is insurmountable... perhaps there is no way to grant insight, and intuition, to another.
*****
As I left church, I silently bemoaned to myself either the utter lack of attractive women in this country... or perhaps my propensity for being attracted to the "wrong" ones... that would have me... in the situation that I am now. (the dozer calls it barking up all the wrong trees...)
And then, at that very instant, I drove past a perfect ten...
:|
Time to take up buying 4D.
*****
In church, I watched a man just past his fifties hunched over with that tell-tale look about him.
He drooled a little, and the filipina maid at his elbow hastened to dab at his chin immediately.
When they stood to leave, it took all his maid's strength to hoist him to a standing position. I half-rose to dash forwards and lend a hand... but once on his feet he was stable, and they shuffled off at speed.
Parkinson's.
I wondered if I would be like that one day... a thought best left unthought.
I remembered her words : "don't ever let me get old..." and I remembered the fear in her words. And it touched me a little, her fear. They were the words of youth.
But I also watched the greying woman by his side, and the way she clung fiercely to his hand throughout the mass.
I remembered another's words : "I want a love that lasts... I want to have him hold onto my hand even when we're old..." Her desire had touched me a little, too. Her dream of permanence, perhaps the words of disillusionment.
And then I remembered Her words... "If I had to choose, I would give everything up... but my wit." The words of maturity... spoken then, at such a young age.
And I don't know why, but as I watched him shuffle out the church, his eyes blank, with his wife still clinging in a near death-grip to his hand...
... I felt so sad.
"It taketh, to achieveth that same high nine minutes on the treadmill delivereth, an equivalent measure three hours in the swimming pool. eth."
Something tells me that that's a poorer happy-quotient for swimming than running...
and now my shoulders hurt.
*****
It came as a surprise.
As we spoke, my intuitions flared - this stranger was... unexpected. He was... decent.
More than that, he had a certain maturity about him. And a tinge of sadness.
Most surprisingly though, he had enough insight to differentiate intentions, from actions. And the grace to react accordingly.
As I listened to him, I understood. He was easy to understand - he was someone very much like myself.
Truth is a double-edged sword.
*****
I had a strange dream, the other night.
It was very brief, but it involved me having to stand up a woman - actually, one of the consultants - for lunch.
Don't get me wrong, in real life there's nothing of the sort going on. But... all I remember from the dream was telling her that I couldn't show up, and her sounding really disappointed.
Shrug. Not a very interesting dream eh.
Except that I dream, what... once a year? If at all?
*****
And then, I had another dream last night. I wonder what all this means, this invasion of dreams into my otherwise peaceful sleep... dreams that I can actually remember?
This one had something to do with being with my ex.
Funny, I had absolute clarity of memory for hours after the dream, but now its slipped away...
...strange.
*****
Today, in summary :
Got up, went back to sleep, got up, went back to sleep (yummy!)
got up, was offered lunch by the mother, fled to the gym in abject terror (relief!), worked out for an hour, didnt run (rats.), knackered, lay down by poolside (by this time, of course, no longer sunny much to my disappointment), fell asleep for an hour (yummy!), swam for two hours, intermission for sit-ups, swam for another, (total : 80 laps), went to church, went for steamboat with german and canadian friends, cosy after dinner conversation in flat (felt like there should have been an open fire nearby, somehow), home.
Nice :)
*****
Tomorrow, in summary :
On call.
Not Nice.
*****
Insight arrived, bizzarly, as I was underwater - it felt like a veil had been lifted from my blinkered eyes.
The root of the problem hadn't been poor communication...
... it had been an utter lack of understanding, of intentions. And an inability to sense their meaning.
We fear what we do not understand.
It was a strange irony.
Perhaps this bridge is insurmountable... perhaps there is no way to grant insight, and intuition, to another.
*****
As I left church, I silently bemoaned to myself either the utter lack of attractive women in this country... or perhaps my propensity for being attracted to the "wrong" ones... that would have me... in the situation that I am now. (the dozer calls it barking up all the wrong trees...)
And then, at that very instant, I drove past a perfect ten...
:|
Time to take up buying 4D.
*****
In church, I watched a man just past his fifties hunched over with that tell-tale look about him.
He drooled a little, and the filipina maid at his elbow hastened to dab at his chin immediately.
When they stood to leave, it took all his maid's strength to hoist him to a standing position. I half-rose to dash forwards and lend a hand... but once on his feet he was stable, and they shuffled off at speed.
Parkinson's.
I wondered if I would be like that one day... a thought best left unthought.
I remembered her words : "don't ever let me get old..." and I remembered the fear in her words. And it touched me a little, her fear. They were the words of youth.
But I also watched the greying woman by his side, and the way she clung fiercely to his hand throughout the mass.
I remembered another's words : "I want a love that lasts... I want to have him hold onto my hand even when we're old..." Her desire had touched me a little, too. Her dream of permanence, perhaps the words of disillusionment.
And then I remembered Her words... "If I had to choose, I would give everything up... but my wit." The words of maturity... spoken then, at such a young age.
And I don't know why, but as I watched him shuffle out the church, his eyes blank, with his wife still clinging in a near death-grip to his hand...
... I felt so sad.
