Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Freewheeling
The envelope left his hand at last.
Moments ago he had been sitting down gripping his queue slip hard in one hand, the envelope in the other.
Trepidation was an unfamiliar state to him.
Absurd, the cynic in him thought. No reason for this; no reason to even do this. No possible result except silence.
The female staff worker took the envelope grudgingly - We can't do this, its against the rules. We may not deliver it at all... nobody has the right to walk in here and tell us what to do.
She hadn't heard his words at all... his plea, almost. Please... perhaps... can't we just try.
All she heard was someone trying to break the rules, and tell her what to do.
People are so deaf, in this country.
He left the building, and chose a direction at random.
Walk.
The words of her song kept drifting through his head...
yuan yuan li kai...
walk.
One foot before the other.
A text message - how are you?
He didn't break stride, just kept walking. Considered walking into TCC at SMM for a while, but didn't.
How are you? - answer a question, with a question.
She went on to message him how happy she was, and he wrote in reply how happy he was for her.
Unspoken : I'm freewheeling, walking in a random direction; I don't know where I'm going, or what to do. I just did something... unexpected; but the time for the unexpected is long since gone.
I'm trapped here, trapped in my past.
Trapped in my mother's dream of me getting married soon to one of her friend's daughters; trapped in her envy of all her friends sons getting married away like fish sold in a market.
I... just tried to reach out to something that was once good, and clean in my life. That I have never really seen again, ever, in anybody else, with such intensity.
Can I come in from the cold, please?
Moments ago he had been sitting down gripping his queue slip hard in one hand, the envelope in the other.
Trepidation was an unfamiliar state to him.
Absurd, the cynic in him thought. No reason for this; no reason to even do this. No possible result except silence.
The female staff worker took the envelope grudgingly - We can't do this, its against the rules. We may not deliver it at all... nobody has the right to walk in here and tell us what to do.
She hadn't heard his words at all... his plea, almost. Please... perhaps... can't we just try.
All she heard was someone trying to break the rules, and tell her what to do.
People are so deaf, in this country.
He left the building, and chose a direction at random.
Walk.
The words of her song kept drifting through his head...
yuan yuan li kai...
walk.
One foot before the other.
A text message - how are you?
He didn't break stride, just kept walking. Considered walking into TCC at SMM for a while, but didn't.
How are you? - answer a question, with a question.
She went on to message him how happy she was, and he wrote in reply how happy he was for her.
Unspoken : I'm freewheeling, walking in a random direction; I don't know where I'm going, or what to do. I just did something... unexpected; but the time for the unexpected is long since gone.
I'm trapped here, trapped in my past.
Trapped in my mother's dream of me getting married soon to one of her friend's daughters; trapped in her envy of all her friends sons getting married away like fish sold in a market.
I... just tried to reach out to something that was once good, and clean in my life. That I have never really seen again, ever, in anybody else, with such intensity.
Can I come in from the cold, please?
