Monday, August 29, 2005
Honesty, and Directness...
...Are forgotten values.
I won't pretend that I've always been honest and direct.
Something happened once in my past... that will probably haunt me forever. It was a very long, and stupid story.
And in the aftermath, She was gone, forever. An ideal... near-terminally wounded.
Since then I've been chasing shadows, questing for personal honesty to the level that I can be quite hurtful, and hateful to those that know me, and even those I care about...
...and - I did not realise this till now - searching for that someone with that same honesty. Who, yes, I will admit it - also attracts me on some - indefinable level - quite probably starting physically... with a pair of eyes.
That alone is rare, and apparently that alone - somewhere in my male psyche - is now enough for me to begin the hunt.
The "hunt" however is often caught short by a fatal flaw, born of some stupid mechanism in my head... idealism, I think the term is.
I learnt today that one of the fatal flaws can be a lack of honesty.
Not dishonesty per se, but white lies... or half truths. A slightly less sophisticated mode of thinking meant to smooth over the cracks for someone else, and give her an easier life.
But to someone like me...
... a fatal flaw.
That alone... is rarer still.
*******
He couldn't help but notice over dinner, and drinks.
She too, had watcher's eyes.
In truth, everyone at the table had watcher's eyes.
But her eyes were slightly different from the others.
Hers were quick, sudden, and very subtle, and fading out quickly when required. Alive, but hidden away. Guarded, at will.
They were... intriguing.
*******
What do you get when you put together sun, sand and sea, a petite little lady together with a musclebound, heavy breathing thug, and a pervy purveyor of fine erotica?
Heh heh heh. I'll leave that to your imaginations.
*******
Okay, so it wasn't actually a pornographic movie shoot, but actually a... I hang my head in shame... blogger meeting - of sorts. All very high-profile bloggers (I was not worthy to be in the presence of such greatness...) yet all like-minded individuals.
Not so much bloggers, as true writers.
*******
As he posed the question about takes on Premarital sex, he watched.
He saw a lot that night.
But only one person truly understood the question... while the others pondered at a superficial level, or tried to let the answers slide quickly off them... she knew enough to find the hidden question beneath.
He wondered why.
*******
So. Premarital sex. (Necessary) Compatability testing tool? Or outmoded ideal.
But ideals - and idealism lead to many places. And sometimes they foreshadow the future.
And what of the spirit of romance - not "romance" per se, but its essence...
... embodied in the ridiculous plots that crop up over and over again in arthouse B-movies, of a purity of love that transcends the physical, or that is prematurely terminated before it can graduate on to the physical...
... but remains eternal?
The answer, ultimately is as always -
- it depends on what you, as an individual, burn for.
Me? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus... but I still get Christmas presents. :)
*****
Would you cheat... if the sex was bad? Would your eyes turn astray, and your bodily bits follow suit? Would your mind relinquish its hold for a brief moment of ecstatic passion, for a fire that burns and flares, but fades quickly into the past?
Would you be tempted by the serpent, and the apple?
Or would you stay, the "loser", always holding back, always wondering what if...
... but always having something eternal - or so you think - to comfort yourself with. Something magical, and empathic. Something to give you... significance, in this troubled life.
Again, the answers lie in the minds of the answerers.
Windows 95...
Who do you want to do, today? ;)
*****
9:56!
*****
postscript
Yes, I did write about it after all.
It deserved a mention. The evening was significant : from the magnificent understatedness of the blood-red sunset fading to death far away on the forgotten horizon - unseen and unnoticed by most of the revellers around us intent on only enjoying each other close-up -- to the pleasant company of we four watchers -- okay, three-and-a-half since one of them only had eyes for her doggy woggy - four individuals utterly disparate in their life's paths, yet bonded somehow by something indescribable..
... something, methinks, to do with word - and thought.
*****
Bugger. We forgot to play pool.
I won't pretend that I've always been honest and direct.
Something happened once in my past... that will probably haunt me forever. It was a very long, and stupid story.
And in the aftermath, She was gone, forever. An ideal... near-terminally wounded.
Since then I've been chasing shadows, questing for personal honesty to the level that I can be quite hurtful, and hateful to those that know me, and even those I care about...
...and - I did not realise this till now - searching for that someone with that same honesty. Who, yes, I will admit it - also attracts me on some - indefinable level - quite probably starting physically... with a pair of eyes.
That alone is rare, and apparently that alone - somewhere in my male psyche - is now enough for me to begin the hunt.
The "hunt" however is often caught short by a fatal flaw, born of some stupid mechanism in my head... idealism, I think the term is.
I learnt today that one of the fatal flaws can be a lack of honesty.
Not dishonesty per se, but white lies... or half truths. A slightly less sophisticated mode of thinking meant to smooth over the cracks for someone else, and give her an easier life.
But to someone like me...
... a fatal flaw.
That alone... is rarer still.
*******
He couldn't help but notice over dinner, and drinks.
She too, had watcher's eyes.
In truth, everyone at the table had watcher's eyes.
But her eyes were slightly different from the others.
Hers were quick, sudden, and very subtle, and fading out quickly when required. Alive, but hidden away. Guarded, at will.
They were... intriguing.
*******
What do you get when you put together sun, sand and sea, a petite little lady together with a musclebound, heavy breathing thug, and a pervy purveyor of fine erotica?
Heh heh heh. I'll leave that to your imaginations.
*******
Okay, so it wasn't actually a pornographic movie shoot, but actually a... I hang my head in shame... blogger meeting - of sorts. All very high-profile bloggers (I was not worthy to be in the presence of such greatness...) yet all like-minded individuals.
Not so much bloggers, as true writers.
*******
As he posed the question about takes on Premarital sex, he watched.
He saw a lot that night.
But only one person truly understood the question... while the others pondered at a superficial level, or tried to let the answers slide quickly off them... she knew enough to find the hidden question beneath.
He wondered why.
*******
So. Premarital sex. (Necessary) Compatability testing tool? Or outmoded ideal.
But ideals - and idealism lead to many places. And sometimes they foreshadow the future.
And what of the spirit of romance - not "romance" per se, but its essence...
... embodied in the ridiculous plots that crop up over and over again in arthouse B-movies, of a purity of love that transcends the physical, or that is prematurely terminated before it can graduate on to the physical...
... but remains eternal?
The answer, ultimately is as always -
- it depends on what you, as an individual, burn for.
Me? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus... but I still get Christmas presents. :)
*****
Would you cheat... if the sex was bad? Would your eyes turn astray, and your bodily bits follow suit? Would your mind relinquish its hold for a brief moment of ecstatic passion, for a fire that burns and flares, but fades quickly into the past?
Would you be tempted by the serpent, and the apple?
Or would you stay, the "loser", always holding back, always wondering what if...
... but always having something eternal - or so you think - to comfort yourself with. Something magical, and empathic. Something to give you... significance, in this troubled life.
Again, the answers lie in the minds of the answerers.
Windows 95...
Who do you want to do, today? ;)
*****
9:56!
*****
postscript
Yes, I did write about it after all.
It deserved a mention. The evening was significant : from the magnificent understatedness of the blood-red sunset fading to death far away on the forgotten horizon - unseen and unnoticed by most of the revellers around us intent on only enjoying each other close-up -- to the pleasant company of we four watchers -- okay, three-and-a-half since one of them only had eyes for her doggy woggy - four individuals utterly disparate in their life's paths, yet bonded somehow by something indescribable..
... something, methinks, to do with word - and thought.
*****
Bugger. We forgot to play pool.
