Wednesday, August 31, 2005
All in the Eyes
It's a strange experience - or so it seems, now, after so many months on the toil - to luxuriate in the warmth of my bed, hovering guiltlessly between the realms of somnolence and wakefulness.
No alarm clock about to assault you to life. No need to throw back the covers and hurtle haphazardly to work.
No work, today, or tomorrow. Or the day after.
I'll just roll over and drowse a little more...
I'm on study leave, and instead all I can do is relax and chill out. My first holiday in ten months. I'm toying with the idea of going on a diving trip (thank you xena for perverting me from my path of solemn study...) - or maybe I'll just go lie down in the garden for a while, or wander to the gym and drowse on the deck chairs by the pool...
I'm sitting here at the computer pretending to be a freelance writer; perhaps this is what life feels like, waking up late, sitting down unhurried and unstressed before your computer with a warm cup of coffee, and embarking on a journey of words.
*****
Only for some reason - perhaps simply because I am so unworried and unflustered - the stresses of the workplace, complete with the pangs of a mini-scandal gone wrong... - far from my mind. No grief to bear for others, no guilt to wear for myself... just time, space, and absolute freedom.
The two things I value most in a lover - or even just a friend :
honesty, and directness.
The one thing I yearn for in life, more than any other : Freedom.
*****
Call it what you like, introvert, extrovert, mover of worlds, watcher of thoughts.
There are different types of people in this world. That's why personality quizzes abound, and people delight in taking them. They learn something about themselves - or so they think - by clicking little check boxes about what colour shoes they wear...
But the secret in really telling who a person is at heart, is by watching their eyes.
Watchers can be movers, and movers, watchers... all it takes is a motivation, or a need. Yet a person is not defined by his actions, but his thoughts and his inclinations. That's what you see, when you watch someone's eyes.
Watchers are usually passive, introverts, and movers, active, extroverts. Yet again, in a group of watchers some assume the role of extrovert, and some lie back still further and watch.
Watchers have the upper hand when it comes to empathising with and understanding people, by sheer dint of being watchers to begin with. Movers tend to see the world through self-centred eyes - they see how their actions can influence others, but don't watch to see who the others around them may be, and how they feel. They have to - because they would not be movers otherwise... they would not achieve their objectives without the will to use other people.
Watchers are also the far rarer of the two - at least here in this country. And perhaps the world over.
It all sounds very silly, because we all think we can do it... what are you talking about you demented fool, I get things done and I can suss people out pretty well...
... but can you, really? Or is that just your ego talking? For all the times you were right about people - how many times were you wrong?
Watch the people around you the next time you're in a group, watch their eyes flit from face to face, or glance moodily into the distance and feel what I'm writing about. It will come with practice - you'll notice who are watchers, and who are not. It doesn't take a genius.
It struck me the other night, as we sat with sand in our sandels by the sea that a chance gathering of watchers was a near impossibility... yet it had happened.
And as I watched them, and myself, I discovered added subtleties to a previously clearcut (and till then somewhat boring) distinction between personality types.
There are different kinds of watchers as well.
There are naturally communicative watchers who emote with their eyes, and assume the mantle of leader by habit, intent on speaking their thoughts as much, or more so than watching, but watching, nonetheless.
There are the more silent watchers who stay back and passively observe, emoting not quite as much - without quite the same sparkle of life or humour in their slightly hooded eyes. Intent on watching more than speaking, drinking it all in to the secret sanctuaries in their minds.
And then it becomes more complex as you watch still harder... and you notice the many moments when exuberent eyes turn a lighter shade of grey as thoughts preoccupy their owner - or when cooly withdrawn eyes suddenly flare to life in that secret moment of connection, then die yet more suddenly away to stillness.
The sheer quantity of inconstancies makes you begin to wonder if perhaps they are the one, pretending to be the other?
And then, in a fit of self-centredness, you begin to wonder who you may seem to be, through their watching eyes.
No alarm clock about to assault you to life. No need to throw back the covers and hurtle haphazardly to work.
No work, today, or tomorrow. Or the day after.
I'll just roll over and drowse a little more...
I'm on study leave, and instead all I can do is relax and chill out. My first holiday in ten months. I'm toying with the idea of going on a diving trip (thank you xena for perverting me from my path of solemn study...) - or maybe I'll just go lie down in the garden for a while, or wander to the gym and drowse on the deck chairs by the pool...
I'm sitting here at the computer pretending to be a freelance writer; perhaps this is what life feels like, waking up late, sitting down unhurried and unstressed before your computer with a warm cup of coffee, and embarking on a journey of words.
*****
Only for some reason - perhaps simply because I am so unworried and unflustered - the stresses of the workplace, complete with the pangs of a mini-scandal gone wrong... - far from my mind. No grief to bear for others, no guilt to wear for myself... just time, space, and absolute freedom.
The two things I value most in a lover - or even just a friend :
honesty, and directness.
The one thing I yearn for in life, more than any other : Freedom.
*****
Call it what you like, introvert, extrovert, mover of worlds, watcher of thoughts.
There are different types of people in this world. That's why personality quizzes abound, and people delight in taking them. They learn something about themselves - or so they think - by clicking little check boxes about what colour shoes they wear...
But the secret in really telling who a person is at heart, is by watching their eyes.
Watchers can be movers, and movers, watchers... all it takes is a motivation, or a need. Yet a person is not defined by his actions, but his thoughts and his inclinations. That's what you see, when you watch someone's eyes.
Watchers are usually passive, introverts, and movers, active, extroverts. Yet again, in a group of watchers some assume the role of extrovert, and some lie back still further and watch.
Watchers have the upper hand when it comes to empathising with and understanding people, by sheer dint of being watchers to begin with. Movers tend to see the world through self-centred eyes - they see how their actions can influence others, but don't watch to see who the others around them may be, and how they feel. They have to - because they would not be movers otherwise... they would not achieve their objectives without the will to use other people.
Watchers are also the far rarer of the two - at least here in this country. And perhaps the world over.
It all sounds very silly, because we all think we can do it... what are you talking about you demented fool, I get things done and I can suss people out pretty well...
... but can you, really? Or is that just your ego talking? For all the times you were right about people - how many times were you wrong?
Watch the people around you the next time you're in a group, watch their eyes flit from face to face, or glance moodily into the distance and feel what I'm writing about. It will come with practice - you'll notice who are watchers, and who are not. It doesn't take a genius.
It struck me the other night, as we sat with sand in our sandels by the sea that a chance gathering of watchers was a near impossibility... yet it had happened.
And as I watched them, and myself, I discovered added subtleties to a previously clearcut (and till then somewhat boring) distinction between personality types.
There are different kinds of watchers as well.
There are naturally communicative watchers who emote with their eyes, and assume the mantle of leader by habit, intent on speaking their thoughts as much, or more so than watching, but watching, nonetheless.
There are the more silent watchers who stay back and passively observe, emoting not quite as much - without quite the same sparkle of life or humour in their slightly hooded eyes. Intent on watching more than speaking, drinking it all in to the secret sanctuaries in their minds.
And then it becomes more complex as you watch still harder... and you notice the many moments when exuberent eyes turn a lighter shade of grey as thoughts preoccupy their owner - or when cooly withdrawn eyes suddenly flare to life in that secret moment of connection, then die yet more suddenly away to stillness.
The sheer quantity of inconstancies makes you begin to wonder if perhaps they are the one, pretending to be the other?
And then, in a fit of self-centredness, you begin to wonder who you may seem to be, through their watching eyes.
