Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Adrift
I wasn't surprised, coming off call (but not being allowed to go postcall, thanks to the Larger Forces at work) to discover that I'm on call again the day after tomorrow.
I think all the surprise has been knocked out of me.
Life is beginning to circle in the sand.
I remember asking old friends how work was.
That dully glazed look in their eyes...
... okay lor...
(too many on calls. too little time to yourself. your soul melts away)
... okay. lor.
- they sighed. Lost, behind their eyes.
... that is who I am becoming.
But I cannot submit; I will not.
I refuse to. I will flail in the darkness, upstairs in the night-deserted areas of the hospital with my sabre; I will fight the machines in the gym when I am trapped against my will in the concrete confines of my prison that is work.
I will go out and do crazy things late at night.
I need to
live.
And it feels... sweet.
******
Revisited
Living... is pushing the envelope far beyond breaking point
and turning out a time of 10:20
25 seconds better than my last
and still feeling alive.
I burned to run today after my on call. But common sense prevailed. Bugger.
*****
Me?
Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
I think all the surprise has been knocked out of me.
Life is beginning to circle in the sand.
I remember asking old friends how work was.
That dully glazed look in their eyes...
... okay lor...
(too many on calls. too little time to yourself. your soul melts away)
... okay. lor.
- they sighed. Lost, behind their eyes.
... that is who I am becoming.
But I cannot submit; I will not.
I refuse to. I will flail in the darkness, upstairs in the night-deserted areas of the hospital with my sabre; I will fight the machines in the gym when I am trapped against my will in the concrete confines of my prison that is work.
I will go out and do crazy things late at night.
I need to
live.
And it feels... sweet.
******
Revisited
Living... is pushing the envelope far beyond breaking point
and turning out a time of 10:20
25 seconds better than my last
and still feeling alive.
I burned to run today after my on call. But common sense prevailed. Bugger.
*****
Me?
Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
