Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Weightless
It's strange that everytime I meet someone, they invariably tell me I've lost weight.
It's a lifelong thing I guess; mine is a curse to dwindle till I vanish.
I suppose maybe people just remember me from my NS days, or perhaps from the days when I was with the ex (her sister's... special female friend... was a good cook) and very slightly chubby.
Perhaps they see it in the face, or the eyes; my face is pretty angular these days and an old friend from london told me that my eyes were haggard. (I did not return the favour, seeing as her eyes were on holiday and all starry. grr.)
The strangest part is that I haven't. Lost weight. I'm probably at my heaviest ever in this lifetime. Standing on the scales yesterday shocked me. I'm actually a lot heavier than I ought to be for my height. About five kilograms over.
Weird.
*****
Standing on the balcony of the gym looking out over a blood-red sunset, he thought, about things. You know, just things.
And he looked down; everytime he stood here he looked down.
There's a little metal suspension wire thingummagig just under the handrail, on a little ledge thing that he guessed was what the window cleaners clipped their rig onto when rapelling down the side of the building.
Everytime he stood here, leaning out over space, he felt the urge to take a light vault over the rails, one foot on the ledge, lightly, leap into thin air. He didn't know why.
Just under seven seconds would be all it took, in his estimation.
Seven seconds to live.
It's a lifelong thing I guess; mine is a curse to dwindle till I vanish.
I suppose maybe people just remember me from my NS days, or perhaps from the days when I was with the ex (her sister's... special female friend... was a good cook) and very slightly chubby.
Perhaps they see it in the face, or the eyes; my face is pretty angular these days and an old friend from london told me that my eyes were haggard. (I did not return the favour, seeing as her eyes were on holiday and all starry. grr.)
The strangest part is that I haven't. Lost weight. I'm probably at my heaviest ever in this lifetime. Standing on the scales yesterday shocked me. I'm actually a lot heavier than I ought to be for my height. About five kilograms over.
Weird.
*****
Standing on the balcony of the gym looking out over a blood-red sunset, he thought, about things. You know, just things.
And he looked down; everytime he stood here he looked down.
There's a little metal suspension wire thingummagig just under the handrail, on a little ledge thing that he guessed was what the window cleaners clipped their rig onto when rapelling down the side of the building.
Everytime he stood here, leaning out over space, he felt the urge to take a light vault over the rails, one foot on the ledge, lightly, leap into thin air. He didn't know why.
Just under seven seconds would be all it took, in his estimation.
Seven seconds to live.
