Friday, January 14, 2005
Almost Thirty
Time is sliding by.
Every insiduous second, fading silently into the oceans of my past.
None of this life makes sense to me.
I never really chose a path. I never made a choice. I wandered where my feet took me.
It's all good; my career is being built a single stepping stone at a time, andantissimo, at a leisurely pace.
(as an aside, cine-leisure is pronounced cine-leh-sure and not cine-lee-sure. And I hate that stupid harvey norman advertisement with a vengeance.)
If its all good... why is every moment here slipping away? Where are my memories, where is my future. Where is my... fate?
Is this all there is to this life? Work. Home. Work, play. Work, home.
Of course there is more. I exaggerate. There is God. There is fencing. There is the gym.
But so much of it feels like a distraction, to make myself forget... something.
Time is sliding by. Already I have lived a third of my life.
Time is sliding by.
Fifteen years.
It has been fifteen years since I first knew You.
I am growing old, really and truly. Once upon a time everybody around me thought like kids, or that was how it felt to me.
Now they really are kids, in relation to me. Soon, they will be saplings, and I the weathered oak, tremulously recounting the days of my youth.
When I remembered living. And loving. And laughing.
This place, this here and now - this is bad for me.
Every insiduous second, fading silently into the oceans of my past.
None of this life makes sense to me.
I never really chose a path. I never made a choice. I wandered where my feet took me.
It's all good; my career is being built a single stepping stone at a time, andantissimo, at a leisurely pace.
(as an aside, cine-leisure is pronounced cine-leh-sure and not cine-lee-sure. And I hate that stupid harvey norman advertisement with a vengeance.)
If its all good... why is every moment here slipping away? Where are my memories, where is my future. Where is my... fate?
Is this all there is to this life? Work. Home. Work, play. Work, home.
Of course there is more. I exaggerate. There is God. There is fencing. There is the gym.
But so much of it feels like a distraction, to make myself forget... something.
Time is sliding by. Already I have lived a third of my life.
Time is sliding by.
Fifteen years.
It has been fifteen years since I first knew You.
I am growing old, really and truly. Once upon a time everybody around me thought like kids, or that was how it felt to me.
Now they really are kids, in relation to me. Soon, they will be saplings, and I the weathered oak, tremulously recounting the days of my youth.
When I remembered living. And loving. And laughing.
This place, this here and now - this is bad for me.
