Truths of Old

Listening to an oriental expat ponder today that she didn't really belong "here", I paused to reflect that I don't really belong here either, despite being born and bred Singaporean.

It's funny how people don't usually stop to ask the right questions; or else know you well enough to know the answers without having to ask. There are some people you can hang out with for a really long time whom you will really get to know - but somehow will never really get to know you, at the same time.

That's quite a different issue though.

I've lived here for a fair bit of my life (although I've lived in London for a fair bit too) and both cities were wonderful, and awful at the same time.

I never really felt like I belonged in either city. It's not about language, or skin colour, or even about other people's opinions.

It's about whats in my heart; what I want, and need in life.

I don't belong here. I don't have the same needs, and I don't want specific things badly enough. Likewise with London.

Sometimes I really wonder what exactly it is I want? Is the answer simply - to be happy?

Shrug.

Someday I shall leave here, and not look back. If I tell myself that enough times, I may actually start to believe it.

It's not about quitting, or staying. It's about you, finding yourself. And if we're silly enough to believe the propaganda, well... it's our loss.

For me, the walls are falling in here. Quickly.