Sunday, December 26, 2004
Broken
Did you hear, the English have invented the world's smallest source of infinitely renewable clean energy. they call it the fission chip.
Ugh.
*****
Broke a few unwritten "rules" today.
1) drove the father's preciousssssssss.
In mitigation, they took the mother's car to the club without telling me in advance, leaving me with all of five minutes to get over my shock and horror on stepping into the garage, to come around to the idea of snagging the Key to the Preciousssss and making off with the One Thingummybob in order to get to church on time. It was quite an experience. I've never driven it before. Sort of like driving a very powerful tank.
2) I did the coinflip thing - something I never really thought I'd do again - again today. But it was a true-blue coinflip this time. Not skewed, and without a predetermined answer : and for a very, very different purpose.
It came up heads the first time, but bounced off my hand onto the table, so I flipped it again, and it came up heads again the second time. It was exactly what S. was calling it, both times. I idly wondered if I kept flipping it, for this one instant, whether it would keep coming up heads - without my needing to even think about biasing the flip. It was a strange experience. An honest coinflip, who'da thunk.
And with that, I decided chance had made my decision for me, and so I broke my third unwritten rule.
3) I asked S if she was the type who would rather hear the whole truth, or whether she'd rather not know even if it might hurt her.
I asked her if she'd rather live in security, in the matrix, or whether she needed to know the Truth.
I asked her a great deal of other questions, over the week, about her thoughts about "hypothetical scenarios" involving men, and women.
I knew the answer to the last question even before she replied.
This last one, it was the most serious breach of all. It was a breach of ethics.
I don't do this. I don't get personally involved. I'm a watcher, I stand by and I watch in bitter silence. I know better than to blunder in where angels would fear to tread.
I let people discover things - for themselves. It's the only way most people can learn. Most people don't want to hear the truth.
But once in a blue moon, the dice roll a certain way, and you're not just able to - you're obliged to. And you give enough of a damn to put even friendship at stake.
V didn't understand; she still doesn't. She thinks she does, but she hasn't got a clue. I dread to think what she thinks of me, and of my motives.
I knew she wouldn't speak, and she didn't.
But for a moment, I had hoped that I might be wrong.
Is it fair to protect someone against the truth? Especially if that person is - someone like myself - someone who must know the truth, even if it burns?
And the answer to that is - no.
No.
*****
If we be sheep, then I am... not quite a wolf. Perhaps a sheepdog. Or maybe just a very bitter, rabid sheep.
*****
I've just heard the news, about the earthquake, and the tsunamis.
It's a frightening thought.
My father told me to stay well clear of the coastline, and of tall buildings.
I couldn't help but think that if a tsunami hit singapore, the whole country would be under water within seconds. Probably the only safe place would be the tall buildings, which would all be falling down anyhow.
And then I wondered which other parts of the world were hit.
Ugh.
*****
Broke a few unwritten "rules" today.
1) drove the father's preciousssssssss.
In mitigation, they took the mother's car to the club without telling me in advance, leaving me with all of five minutes to get over my shock and horror on stepping into the garage, to come around to the idea of snagging the Key to the Preciousssss and making off with the One Thingummybob in order to get to church on time. It was quite an experience. I've never driven it before. Sort of like driving a very powerful tank.
2) I did the coinflip thing - something I never really thought I'd do again - again today. But it was a true-blue coinflip this time. Not skewed, and without a predetermined answer : and for a very, very different purpose.
It came up heads the first time, but bounced off my hand onto the table, so I flipped it again, and it came up heads again the second time. It was exactly what S. was calling it, both times. I idly wondered if I kept flipping it, for this one instant, whether it would keep coming up heads - without my needing to even think about biasing the flip. It was a strange experience. An honest coinflip, who'da thunk.
And with that, I decided chance had made my decision for me, and so I broke my third unwritten rule.
3) I asked S if she was the type who would rather hear the whole truth, or whether she'd rather not know even if it might hurt her.
I asked her if she'd rather live in security, in the matrix, or whether she needed to know the Truth.
I asked her a great deal of other questions, over the week, about her thoughts about "hypothetical scenarios" involving men, and women.
I knew the answer to the last question even before she replied.
This last one, it was the most serious breach of all. It was a breach of ethics.
I don't do this. I don't get personally involved. I'm a watcher, I stand by and I watch in bitter silence. I know better than to blunder in where angels would fear to tread.
I let people discover things - for themselves. It's the only way most people can learn. Most people don't want to hear the truth.
But once in a blue moon, the dice roll a certain way, and you're not just able to - you're obliged to. And you give enough of a damn to put even friendship at stake.
V didn't understand; she still doesn't. She thinks she does, but she hasn't got a clue. I dread to think what she thinks of me, and of my motives.
I knew she wouldn't speak, and she didn't.
But for a moment, I had hoped that I might be wrong.
Is it fair to protect someone against the truth? Especially if that person is - someone like myself - someone who must know the truth, even if it burns?
And the answer to that is - no.
No.
*****
If we be sheep, then I am... not quite a wolf. Perhaps a sheepdog. Or maybe just a very bitter, rabid sheep.
*****
I've just heard the news, about the earthquake, and the tsunamis.
It's a frightening thought.
My father told me to stay well clear of the coastline, and of tall buildings.
I couldn't help but think that if a tsunami hit singapore, the whole country would be under water within seconds. Probably the only safe place would be the tall buildings, which would all be falling down anyhow.
And then I wondered which other parts of the world were hit.
