Friday, October 08, 2004
The Ivory Ghost
What is it with this country and abbreviations / neologisms??
I just went shopping for a mobile phone plan, and the nice young man at the shop helpfully proferred me a brochure which reads, "Pay-as-U-roam! Autoroam! Red Rewards! pod Treats!!"
Nowhere, and I mean NOWHERE on the brochure was there a helpful little legend/key/appendix to explain these new and wonderful terms to me.
I mean, seriously, what the f*** are pod Treats? Sounds rather. dodgy. to me.
And why do we need 12 price plans per provider anyhow?? yeesh. It's enough to do anyone's head in, especially my slightly wooly, knackered thinking piece. Dunno why I'm so muzzy today, it's not like I didn't get more than four hours sleep last night.
Oh wait...
Hmm. Anyway, in breaking news - does anyone remember the good old days when terrorists seemed more intent in threatening to blow people up, and in proclaiming their causes, than actually blowing tourists and partygoers into little pieces?
Must sleep. The Mother is threatening to make me accompany her violin / cello routine... and running away screaming is frowned upon in my family, bugger it.
*****
A few weeks ago I was in Boston sitting on the T (presumably short for... train? Transit system?) marvelling at how fond the yanks are for superfluous abbreviations. (I'm going to take the T. I'm going to take the train. Honestly, does it take that much effort??)
Several days later, I paid a "T" token to sit on the M in LA... M for metro, T for... token? Tolkien? Ticket? TottyTittyThingie? geez! and then it struck me that we go one - make that two better in Singaland. I mean, we have more letters! M R T! Mass (ie jam-packed) Rapid (faster than a speeding turtle) Transit (transit) system! Cor, it made me fair glow with pride, it did.
And just yesterday I was marvelling that our mass rapid transit system takes well over an hour-and-a-half to cross the island (ie 42 km). Strange that, in the US of A a greyhound bus takes 7 hours to cross 400 miles... (643 km - a third the distance between singapore and thailand)
Shrug.
*****
So I now have new spectacles, thanks in small part to my newly discovered superpowers early yesterday evening (open, spectacles! twaaaang.) and in large part to the nice, quiet, gentle, soft-spoken (ie gay) optician near my place.
The Selection of the Frame was quite a... spectacle. (moan, groan etc.)
"Ah sir, I find you new frames ok?"
(duh. why else do you think I brought my broken specs to your shop?)
"Um, thanks yes please."
"I find as good a match as I can." Rummage. "Here, try these"
Pause. Stare.
"Err. These are red."
"They're brown."
(sigh)
"Do you have any... not in brown?"
Rummage rummage.
"Here. These ones."
(I'm tempted to interject helpfully at this juncture... the originals were black. you know. gun-metal black? but I do the Singaporean thing and point out the obvious.)
"... they're blue."
puzzled smile. looooooooong pause.
"Oh feck it, I'll take the brown ones. Thank you."
So now I have a pair of rather effiminate red-brown spectacle frames. Way-hey.
*****
I've never been so clean in my life.
I'm up to three showers a day to get rid of this unpleasant sticky-feeling that accumulates every so often, even doing something as strenuous as - sleeping. Man, and you wonder how they dreamt up words like "miasma"...
I just went shopping for a mobile phone plan, and the nice young man at the shop helpfully proferred me a brochure which reads, "Pay-as-U-roam! Autoroam! Red Rewards! pod Treats!!"
Nowhere, and I mean NOWHERE on the brochure was there a helpful little legend/key/appendix to explain these new and wonderful terms to me.
I mean, seriously, what the f*** are pod Treats? Sounds rather. dodgy. to me.
And why do we need 12 price plans per provider anyhow?? yeesh. It's enough to do anyone's head in, especially my slightly wooly, knackered thinking piece. Dunno why I'm so muzzy today, it's not like I didn't get more than four hours sleep last night.
Oh wait...
Hmm. Anyway, in breaking news - does anyone remember the good old days when terrorists seemed more intent in threatening to blow people up, and in proclaiming their causes, than actually blowing tourists and partygoers into little pieces?
Must sleep. The Mother is threatening to make me accompany her violin / cello routine... and running away screaming is frowned upon in my family, bugger it.
*****
A few weeks ago I was in Boston sitting on the T (presumably short for... train? Transit system?) marvelling at how fond the yanks are for superfluous abbreviations. (I'm going to take the T. I'm going to take the train. Honestly, does it take that much effort??)
Several days later, I paid a "T" token to sit on the M in LA... M for metro, T for... token? Tolkien? Ticket? TottyTittyThingie? geez! and then it struck me that we go one - make that two better in Singaland. I mean, we have more letters! M R T! Mass (ie jam-packed) Rapid (faster than a speeding turtle) Transit (transit) system! Cor, it made me fair glow with pride, it did.
And just yesterday I was marvelling that our mass rapid transit system takes well over an hour-and-a-half to cross the island (ie 42 km). Strange that, in the US of A a greyhound bus takes 7 hours to cross 400 miles... (643 km - a third the distance between singapore and thailand)
Shrug.
*****
So I now have new spectacles, thanks in small part to my newly discovered superpowers early yesterday evening (open, spectacles! twaaaang.) and in large part to the nice, quiet, gentle, soft-spoken (ie gay) optician near my place.
The Selection of the Frame was quite a... spectacle. (moan, groan etc.)
"Ah sir, I find you new frames ok?"
(duh. why else do you think I brought my broken specs to your shop?)
"Um, thanks yes please."
"I find as good a match as I can." Rummage. "Here, try these"
Pause. Stare.
"Err. These are red."
"They're brown."
(sigh)
"Do you have any... not in brown?"
Rummage rummage.
"Here. These ones."
(I'm tempted to interject helpfully at this juncture... the originals were black. you know. gun-metal black? but I do the Singaporean thing and point out the obvious.)
"... they're blue."
puzzled smile. looooooooong pause.
"Oh feck it, I'll take the brown ones. Thank you."
So now I have a pair of rather effiminate red-brown spectacle frames. Way-hey.
*****
I've never been so clean in my life.
I'm up to three showers a day to get rid of this unpleasant sticky-feeling that accumulates every so often, even doing something as strenuous as - sleeping. Man, and you wonder how they dreamt up words like "miasma"...
