Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Driving General Dumbkopf
On the road home today, some dimwit in a big white car with 2 pathetic little stars stuck onto it swerved right into my lane and slammed on his brakes barely 2 car-lengths ahead of me.
Considering that I was in the extreme right lane doing 90 kmh at the time, and Mr Commandobrain was rapidly decelerating from 70 to 50kmh it was practically divine intervention that my mental images of a white mercedes winding up wrapped around tree and grey merc on its roof being slammed into by an 18-wheeler didn't actualise into reality.
As I played a little tune (probably R&B) on the horn and pulled past, I could feel my index and middle fingers rising to twitch at the white car's driver. (which is a reflex born of living in england for a third my life. It basically means bollocks to you you fucking cunt. I don't do it very often since I have very polite fingers.)
The general, naturally was riding as a passenger (front seat passenger - impressive.) and glared at me as I went past as if I'd done something wrong.
Well, Sir, this is for you, Mr 36 MID. Your driver is a fucking wanker and could have got us both killed if not for the speed of my reflexes, and the guy behind me who could have turned us all into a ham sandwiches.
which brings us nicely to...
*****
The Brush-teef Blog Syndrome
MrBrown recently wrote :
ms. beautifuk thinks Singapore blogging sucks after watching Get Rea!'s piece on Singapore blogging. You know, the one where Xiaxue and Mr Miyagi got interviewed. Oh, she thought Mr Miyagi looked "vaguely gay" and a recluse.
And all this while, I thought he looked hunky and had lots of chio girlfriends. Ok, I should remember not to call other men "hunky", or else others might think I am vaguely gay too.
"Excerpt:
When I read an article in Time about American bloggers, I was impressed. Blogging there is an important political tool, it really makes an impact. People actively follow elections and have opinions on it. Here? People follow Korean drama series and have opinions on it. ("blahblahblah so cute!")
Yes, blogging in Singapura is a disappointment. Even the more well-known blogs here are nothing but a big fat flop. All they do is ramble about their personal lives, which to me, is all wrong. Nobody wants to hear the brain-numbing details."
This is where I flog a dead horse to... uh. afterlife.
Us Singalanders, being singalanders, proceeded to defend Mr Miyagi-san (wipe left... wipe right. wipe left... anyone remember that? I think the chick looked awful but had a great body. cough.) and flog ms beautifuk for daring to slime their darling gayboy. (just kidding, miyagi. I know you're just a happyman with a penchant for orange mocha. heh.)
I think the usual phrases... public envy... publicity... taunting to engage... etc came up. Singalanders are fantastically original like that, everytime anyone dares slander a God in the making, it's obviously all about penis envy.
Well, I decided to give ms beautifuk a... read. READ. Get your minds out of the gutter. And she isn't a bad writer. There's the usual teenaged angst (which, considering she's actually a teenager is excusable I guess) and attitude with the wannabe goth thing going, but she isn't quite... shall we say, as "good" as other local heros of her ilk like a particular Shewhoshallnotbenamed. In case anyone is wondering, I do the whole MoldyVort thing because it stops her hitting this page through the websearches she does for her own name. And it works too, just like my garlic totem keeps pink elephants away and my gorilla's (unmentionables) charm keeps the press at bay. ha.
Thing is nobody seems to have wondered if the... young lady... actually has a point. (Damn it, suddenly I feel like a balding dapper old fogie. Young lady, tidy up your room this instant! laughs.)
I actually recall (cough, wheeze) the advent of the internet. (argh. oldfogeyalert) Shortly after followed the personal webpage. I'll admit I had one of those. (it's still there. I'm hoping one day it'll be an antique and i'll sell it to some poor sap for a million dollars.)
And one of my main grouses (there were quite a few as I recall) was the way everyone "abused" their webpages to write about themselves and their mundane little lives
eg :
"A day in the life of a really cool boring person! See the wUrLd thRU mi EyeZ!
Today, I brushed my teeth. And then I had a shower. After that I thought about changing underwear! etc."
Okay, I'll admit I wasn't much older than ms. beautifuk when I had that thought, but, well, you have to admit that it doesn't exactly make for enthralling reading, and sometimes one has to wonder why people even bother writing play-by-play accounts about their pet goldfish nibbling the algae off their acquarium plants.
She's actually right dammit. Blogging in Singapore - and much of the rest of the world for that matter, IS a big fat flop. People aren't so much writing as scribing. They aren't creating and there certainly isn't any art to it. It's just so many empty words that one suspects don't even mean much to the writers themselves.
But she's also so, so wrong. People DO want to know the mind-numbing details. I liken it to the attraction moths have for those huge moth Electric-chair thingummies. Brigghhht... shinnnyyyy..... *ZZAP*. And so it goes with reality TV - in the UK nurses spend hours glued to the telly watching Big Brother contestants snoring in their beds, hoping that maybe just maybe one o' em will wake up and shag the other. Or at least twitch a little in their sleep.
So too with... certain (unnamed) blogs that have captivated, or are soon due to captivate the media and the public eye through sheer effort and... word has it, zany-ness. Reading... these blogs I can't help but notice that they're essentially the same meme blogs, only dressed up with pictures.
Today, I bought... this. (picture of shoes) And then I did... this (picture.)
For some strange reason I cannot fathom, hordes of teenaged girls seem to be wetting themselves over the featured pictures. I suppose it must be my Y chromosome clouding my objectivity.
To... these writers' credits, they realise that a boring meme-blog simply isn't enough, and so they actually add some meme-thought into the equation. Today, I also thought... (insert attitude thought here)... which made (other person) look so (insert nasty adjective here) and he is really so (ridicule, ridicule). And this, I think is what does it for the BigBrother groupie in all of us. It's... sorta funny, amusing, and keeps us interested. What horrible but funny thought will this person come up with next? It's sort of like hoping for the sequel to Matrix 2 to be better.... or waiting for newcastle to win the league. You know it probably just isn't going to happen... but... you gotta keep watching.
I dunno. I don't think that's quite what a Good blog is supposed to be about.
The generic response to comments like this, of course, is Boo, hiss, you're just jealous, you're a crap writer, get off the web etc. And interestingly, the meme-writers tend to append : your blog is not a blog, it is a diary... when in truth they ought to read what they're writing and tell us all, honestly, that their blogs aren't diaries. Too.
Some technogeek out there once mentioned that true blogs are supposed to be lists of links to interesting websites. Ie a Good blog is actually meant to be boring - or rather, as interesting as an expressway can possibly be. I guess blogs were intended to be the expressways of the internet, linking various entertaining sites to each other for the lay-user's convenience and webbing the web (noo, frodoooo) into... a webbier web. Sue me, it's late and I hurt and I'm sleepy.
What did it in, I reckon, was free blog-hosting for dummies. One-step publishing for morons ensured that even the morons had a voice. Web-pages flocked to blogs, and the web, well, webbed.
Today what we have is a mess of mediocrisy. And I have to admit, I think it's a crying shame that it happened this way. There's days when, seeped in ennui, I fire up my imaginary info-harley and race down the information superhighway in quest of some serious entertainment, only all there ever is to visit or see are innumerable junk-food stands (and of course, outside of Singaland, hordes of virtua-prostitution dens) running all the way from here to eternity. The web has become so incredibly intricate that you actually have to know where the good stuff is to get to it... all the good stuff is hidden in tiny alleys, eclipsed by the poseur-junk all around it.
And so, in my desperation for a quick fix and in the sheer and utter absence of Good Stuff (because these good stuff guys don't always write so often.) one occasionally visits that junkfood stand (although some are pretty much just whorehouses) and chows down on a mc-crap that's bound to bugger up your brain and clog your sensibilities eventually.
I'm not going to pretend that I'm one of the Good Stuff Guys. I tend to rant a lot about nothing in particular, when there's nothing to write about. eg mommys and floors (ha. I cleaned the floor today with detergent while she was out and she still doesn't have a clue! yay me.) I reckon a Good blog is really one where the author shares his/her thoughts with the readers, ... but also invites the reader to think along with the author - and not just to hear his thoughts, but to really think, mull over, chew the free complimentary brain-cud a little and then make his/her own mind up. Certain other blogs have writers penning down their heartbreaks or joys... yes. Selfish, self-centred little thoughts... but if done - just so! with - just the right words - they invoke empathy in their readers... whether intentionally or not. And that is as good as inviting them along on their journeys through life... and that is good writing too.
It's sorta the way Dido reaches out to the crazies that form her following of fans I guess. (brandishes virtual baseball bat. Nobody dare slag her off or so help me...)
Political blogs are another example (but of course they only present one side of the coin, so they have to be read en masse).
Some "ordinary" blogs like MrBrown and Mr Miyagi do subtly attempt to reach under the hood and hotwire their readers' opinions. And they do it pretty well too. So yes you two twits, go ahead and preen, you have re-minisce's vote of confidence as Good Stuff Guys. whatever that means. hah.
So this is where I take my stand, and it looks awfully like the Alamo. Gulp.
I think "good" blogs (to me) ARE intellectual affairs (not necessarily so much about intellectual writers, but about the dynamic between writer and reader) - it's not at all a debate about caviar and jello, or about quality versus public appeal. I think there's writing, and then there's writing - and perhaps it's time we coined a new term to distinguish the two. We have arthouse movies and primetime TV - we make the distinction in film and television... perhaps we should begin to make that distinction in internet-writing as well.
shrug. I'm nae brainy enough to come up with a sensible term. (I kinda like w-blogs. World-domination blogs. Or maybe m-blogs. Muahahahaha-blogs.)
But it sure would be nice if someone started putting up some proper signposts on the information superhighway.
Considering that I was in the extreme right lane doing 90 kmh at the time, and Mr Commandobrain was rapidly decelerating from 70 to 50kmh it was practically divine intervention that my mental images of a white mercedes winding up wrapped around tree and grey merc on its roof being slammed into by an 18-wheeler didn't actualise into reality.
As I played a little tune (probably R&B) on the horn and pulled past, I could feel my index and middle fingers rising to twitch at the white car's driver. (which is a reflex born of living in england for a third my life. It basically means bollocks to you you fucking cunt. I don't do it very often since I have very polite fingers.)
The general, naturally was riding as a passenger (front seat passenger - impressive.) and glared at me as I went past as if I'd done something wrong.
Well, Sir, this is for you, Mr 36 MID. Your driver is a fucking wanker and could have got us both killed if not for the speed of my reflexes, and the guy behind me who could have turned us all into a ham sandwiches.
which brings us nicely to...
*****
The Brush-teef Blog Syndrome
MrBrown recently wrote :
ms. beautifuk thinks Singapore blogging sucks after watching Get Rea!'s piece on Singapore blogging. You know, the one where Xiaxue and Mr Miyagi got interviewed. Oh, she thought Mr Miyagi looked "vaguely gay" and a recluse.
And all this while, I thought he looked hunky and had lots of chio girlfriends. Ok, I should remember not to call other men "hunky", or else others might think I am vaguely gay too.
"Excerpt:
When I read an article in Time about American bloggers, I was impressed. Blogging there is an important political tool, it really makes an impact. People actively follow elections and have opinions on it. Here? People follow Korean drama series and have opinions on it. ("blahblahblah so cute!")
Yes, blogging in Singapura is a disappointment. Even the more well-known blogs here are nothing but a big fat flop. All they do is ramble about their personal lives, which to me, is all wrong. Nobody wants to hear the brain-numbing details."
This is where I flog a dead horse to... uh. afterlife.
Us Singalanders, being singalanders, proceeded to defend Mr Miyagi-san (wipe left... wipe right. wipe left... anyone remember that? I think the chick looked awful but had a great body. cough.) and flog ms beautifuk for daring to slime their darling gayboy. (just kidding, miyagi. I know you're just a happyman with a penchant for orange mocha. heh.)
I think the usual phrases... public envy... publicity... taunting to engage... etc came up. Singalanders are fantastically original like that, everytime anyone dares slander a God in the making, it's obviously all about penis envy.
Well, I decided to give ms beautifuk a... read. READ. Get your minds out of the gutter. And she isn't a bad writer. There's the usual teenaged angst (which, considering she's actually a teenager is excusable I guess) and attitude with the wannabe goth thing going, but she isn't quite... shall we say, as "good" as other local heros of her ilk like a particular Shewhoshallnotbenamed. In case anyone is wondering, I do the whole MoldyVort thing because it stops her hitting this page through the websearches she does for her own name. And it works too, just like my garlic totem keeps pink elephants away and my gorilla's (unmentionables) charm keeps the press at bay. ha.
Thing is nobody seems to have wondered if the... young lady... actually has a point. (Damn it, suddenly I feel like a balding dapper old fogie. Young lady, tidy up your room this instant! laughs.)
I actually recall (cough, wheeze) the advent of the internet. (argh. oldfogeyalert) Shortly after followed the personal webpage. I'll admit I had one of those. (it's still there. I'm hoping one day it'll be an antique and i'll sell it to some poor sap for a million dollars.)
And one of my main grouses (there were quite a few as I recall) was the way everyone "abused" their webpages to write about themselves and their mundane little lives
eg :
"A day in the life of a really cool boring person! See the wUrLd thRU mi EyeZ!
Today, I brushed my teeth. And then I had a shower. After that I thought about changing underwear! etc."
Okay, I'll admit I wasn't much older than ms. beautifuk when I had that thought, but, well, you have to admit that it doesn't exactly make for enthralling reading, and sometimes one has to wonder why people even bother writing play-by-play accounts about their pet goldfish nibbling the algae off their acquarium plants.
She's actually right dammit. Blogging in Singapore - and much of the rest of the world for that matter, IS a big fat flop. People aren't so much writing as scribing. They aren't creating and there certainly isn't any art to it. It's just so many empty words that one suspects don't even mean much to the writers themselves.
But she's also so, so wrong. People DO want to know the mind-numbing details. I liken it to the attraction moths have for those huge moth Electric-chair thingummies. Brigghhht... shinnnyyyy..... *ZZAP*. And so it goes with reality TV - in the UK nurses spend hours glued to the telly watching Big Brother contestants snoring in their beds, hoping that maybe just maybe one o' em will wake up and shag the other. Or at least twitch a little in their sleep.
So too with... certain (unnamed) blogs that have captivated, or are soon due to captivate the media and the public eye through sheer effort and... word has it, zany-ness. Reading... these blogs I can't help but notice that they're essentially the same meme blogs, only dressed up with pictures.
Today, I bought... this. (picture of shoes) And then I did... this (picture.)
For some strange reason I cannot fathom, hordes of teenaged girls seem to be wetting themselves over the featured pictures. I suppose it must be my Y chromosome clouding my objectivity.
To... these writers' credits, they realise that a boring meme-blog simply isn't enough, and so they actually add some meme-thought into the equation. Today, I also thought... (insert attitude thought here)... which made (other person) look so (insert nasty adjective here) and he is really so (ridicule, ridicule). And this, I think is what does it for the BigBrother groupie in all of us. It's... sorta funny, amusing, and keeps us interested. What horrible but funny thought will this person come up with next? It's sort of like hoping for the sequel to Matrix 2 to be better.... or waiting for newcastle to win the league. You know it probably just isn't going to happen... but... you gotta keep watching.
I dunno. I don't think that's quite what a Good blog is supposed to be about.
The generic response to comments like this, of course, is Boo, hiss, you're just jealous, you're a crap writer, get off the web etc. And interestingly, the meme-writers tend to append : your blog is not a blog, it is a diary... when in truth they ought to read what they're writing and tell us all, honestly, that their blogs aren't diaries. Too.
Some technogeek out there once mentioned that true blogs are supposed to be lists of links to interesting websites. Ie a Good blog is actually meant to be boring - or rather, as interesting as an expressway can possibly be. I guess blogs were intended to be the expressways of the internet, linking various entertaining sites to each other for the lay-user's convenience and webbing the web (noo, frodoooo) into... a webbier web. Sue me, it's late and I hurt and I'm sleepy.
What did it in, I reckon, was free blog-hosting for dummies. One-step publishing for morons ensured that even the morons had a voice. Web-pages flocked to blogs, and the web, well, webbed.
Today what we have is a mess of mediocrisy. And I have to admit, I think it's a crying shame that it happened this way. There's days when, seeped in ennui, I fire up my imaginary info-harley and race down the information superhighway in quest of some serious entertainment, only all there ever is to visit or see are innumerable junk-food stands (and of course, outside of Singaland, hordes of virtua-prostitution dens) running all the way from here to eternity. The web has become so incredibly intricate that you actually have to know where the good stuff is to get to it... all the good stuff is hidden in tiny alleys, eclipsed by the poseur-junk all around it.
And so, in my desperation for a quick fix and in the sheer and utter absence of Good Stuff (because these good stuff guys don't always write so often.) one occasionally visits that junkfood stand (although some are pretty much just whorehouses) and chows down on a mc-crap that's bound to bugger up your brain and clog your sensibilities eventually.
I'm not going to pretend that I'm one of the Good Stuff Guys. I tend to rant a lot about nothing in particular, when there's nothing to write about. eg mommys and floors (ha. I cleaned the floor today with detergent while she was out and she still doesn't have a clue! yay me.) I reckon a Good blog is really one where the author shares his/her thoughts with the readers, ... but also invites the reader to think along with the author - and not just to hear his thoughts, but to really think, mull over, chew the free complimentary brain-cud a little and then make his/her own mind up. Certain other blogs have writers penning down their heartbreaks or joys... yes. Selfish, self-centred little thoughts... but if done - just so! with - just the right words - they invoke empathy in their readers... whether intentionally or not. And that is as good as inviting them along on their journeys through life... and that is good writing too.
It's sorta the way Dido reaches out to the crazies that form her following of fans I guess. (brandishes virtual baseball bat. Nobody dare slag her off or so help me...)
Political blogs are another example (but of course they only present one side of the coin, so they have to be read en masse).
Some "ordinary" blogs like MrBrown and Mr Miyagi do subtly attempt to reach under the hood and hotwire their readers' opinions. And they do it pretty well too. So yes you two twits, go ahead and preen, you have re-minisce's vote of confidence as Good Stuff Guys. whatever that means. hah.
So this is where I take my stand, and it looks awfully like the Alamo. Gulp.
I think "good" blogs (to me) ARE intellectual affairs (not necessarily so much about intellectual writers, but about the dynamic between writer and reader) - it's not at all a debate about caviar and jello, or about quality versus public appeal. I think there's writing, and then there's writing - and perhaps it's time we coined a new term to distinguish the two. We have arthouse movies and primetime TV - we make the distinction in film and television... perhaps we should begin to make that distinction in internet-writing as well.
shrug. I'm nae brainy enough to come up with a sensible term. (I kinda like w-blogs. World-domination blogs. Or maybe m-blogs. Muahahahaha-blogs.)
But it sure would be nice if someone started putting up some proper signposts on the information superhighway.
