Saturday, October 30, 2004
5x2
for anyone with half a mind to watch 5x2... DON'T.
I reckon the director should be hit about the head with a 2x4 repeatedly. Till he dies. Or at least repents.
At least in Swimming Pool (I had the misfortune of catching that) the lead actress was a teenager with a beautiful body; it did help a little when she got naked and jiggy (which was most of the movie), and at the end of the day it did have a semi-decent plot involving sex, lust, and an audience struggling to understand something that might conceivably have been a statement by the author. Or not.
Heck it even had a murder thrown in. Whee.
I'll confess that I didn't get it, but something about it was compelling.
5x2 is a whole different kettle of squid. Dead squid. Five days old and decomposing. The film begins at the end and takes us back through time. Some people were impressed by that and thought it was very "artistic" - to which I would level the accusation that said some people have no idea what "art" is and would call a public potty art if some artist signed his name on it. For fucks sakes stop to ask yourself the question WHY is it shot backwards?
Pause.
No answer. None plausible, in my mind, anyhow. I don't buy the whole philosophical hypothesis that it is an attempt to show that love doesn't last. I think that's really digging deep. And I certainly don't think it salvaged a weak storyline that, if done in prospective rather than retrospective might have done a soap opera proud.
****spoiler****
(film is basically a protracted question - is fidelity possible?)
man and wife getting divorced before a court judge. cue 5 min of civil legislature read in a monotone. Great way to start a movie with a bang, hey?
audience dozes off.
5 min later, couple have divorced.
Naturally, since they are french, the first thing they do is go back to their apartment and get naked. Apparently this is a french way of saying they are still friends. Cue full frontal nudity (female) just because.
Woman suddenly decides she doesn't want to have sex after getting the guy all randy.
Guy rapes her. Cue dramatic teardrop sliding down face. At this point, re-minisce considers walking out but all the women are, for some reason, tearing self-centredly because they're desperately trying to empathise. Re-minisce on the other hand smells the nauseating scent of melodrama disguised as art and doesn't want to have his day ruined still further after concert fiasco.
woman shouts at man and bangs door on way out of apartment. Oh, wow.
Cut to next scene. Woman and man throwing dinner-do for his brother, who is gay and has shown up with his teenaged lover. lots of wine, discussions about fidelity - is it desirable, older gay man asks younger gay man who thinks it is unnecessary, and has cheated on him numerous times, older gay man asks younger gay man if he would mind if he had cheated on him (all these hes are getting confusing, he he.) and younger man says of course he will mind.
man (straight) then confesses he has cheated on wife, but only in an orgy with her watching, while he shafts some woman and gets shafted himself by a man up the butt. uh-huh... right. yeah. plot device, "surprise" +/- "revulsion".
By this time re-minisce is really sick of movie but female companion has fallen asleep, or looks like she has. bugger. so much for my uh, withdrawal from hell.
cut to next scene, woman having baby, baby has placenta praevia (for those in the know), husband unconcerned when contacted, doesn't wanna go to hospital, goes to hospital, sees premmie in incubator and runs away. cue lots of angsty and emotion from woman and her parents. blea.
cut to next scene, woman and man getting married, extended dancing scenes lasting FOREVER for no reason, slow-motion capture of dancing scene while music changes from festive to funereal, for NO REASON. uh huh. yep. back to bridal bedroom, woman and man fooling around on bed with clothes half-off, woman goes to toilet to take wedding dress off completely because apparently they can't manage all the fiddly bits in bed (ha, for shame) and when she comes back out sexy sexy in white garters and bra and panties but new groom too tired after wine and falls into deep coma.
Woman puts clothes over sexy sexy underwear (har. jeans over garters. can ah. okay... shrug.) and wanders outside, looks at her parents dancing, smiles, wanders some more, sits on a log, and therefore (note the subtlety. therefore.) an american man appears out of nowhere, shares a ciggy with her, feels her up to her weak protests, snogs her (to no protests) and then cut to morning when she is running back to bedroom after apparent all-night fuck in the bushes with american man, on her wedding night.
Note to women, re-minisce hypothesizes that movie is trying to tell us : if your husband isn't up for it, don't worry there will be an american man somewhere out there lurking around the corner from you in your hotel all up for filling you up nicely like a gas pump. rolls eyes.
By this time most of the audience is either dead or glazing over.
Long gratuitious scene about how woman first met man when he was seeing another woman. Oh I can't do this any longer.
The movie just sucked bigtime.
Take it from me.
And if any of you are stupid enough to still catch it, someone explain to me why the morning romp in the sand while man's girlfriend is having a nice trek in the jungle (which, in directors mind probably translates into a 20 on 1 gangbang) winds up the movie with man and wife-to-be diving into the sea at sunset. What gives? I suppose it was some kinda sexual time-warp?
*****
In other news, Re-minisce will be listing mr miyagi and some other wonderful writers on his blogroll, soon. Someday. When he overcomes his inherent laziness to tweak that template...
I reckon the director should be hit about the head with a 2x4 repeatedly. Till he dies. Or at least repents.
At least in Swimming Pool (I had the misfortune of catching that) the lead actress was a teenager with a beautiful body; it did help a little when she got naked and jiggy (which was most of the movie), and at the end of the day it did have a semi-decent plot involving sex, lust, and an audience struggling to understand something that might conceivably have been a statement by the author. Or not.
Heck it even had a murder thrown in. Whee.
I'll confess that I didn't get it, but something about it was compelling.
5x2 is a whole different kettle of squid. Dead squid. Five days old and decomposing. The film begins at the end and takes us back through time. Some people were impressed by that and thought it was very "artistic" - to which I would level the accusation that said some people have no idea what "art" is and would call a public potty art if some artist signed his name on it. For fucks sakes stop to ask yourself the question WHY is it shot backwards?
Pause.
No answer. None plausible, in my mind, anyhow. I don't buy the whole philosophical hypothesis that it is an attempt to show that love doesn't last. I think that's really digging deep. And I certainly don't think it salvaged a weak storyline that, if done in prospective rather than retrospective might have done a soap opera proud.
****spoiler****
(film is basically a protracted question - is fidelity possible?)
man and wife getting divorced before a court judge. cue 5 min of civil legislature read in a monotone. Great way to start a movie with a bang, hey?
audience dozes off.
5 min later, couple have divorced.
Naturally, since they are french, the first thing they do is go back to their apartment and get naked. Apparently this is a french way of saying they are still friends. Cue full frontal nudity (female) just because.
Woman suddenly decides she doesn't want to have sex after getting the guy all randy.
Guy rapes her. Cue dramatic teardrop sliding down face. At this point, re-minisce considers walking out but all the women are, for some reason, tearing self-centredly because they're desperately trying to empathise. Re-minisce on the other hand smells the nauseating scent of melodrama disguised as art and doesn't want to have his day ruined still further after concert fiasco.
woman shouts at man and bangs door on way out of apartment. Oh, wow.
Cut to next scene. Woman and man throwing dinner-do for his brother, who is gay and has shown up with his teenaged lover. lots of wine, discussions about fidelity - is it desirable, older gay man asks younger gay man who thinks it is unnecessary, and has cheated on him numerous times, older gay man asks younger gay man if he would mind if he had cheated on him (all these hes are getting confusing, he he.) and younger man says of course he will mind.
man (straight) then confesses he has cheated on wife, but only in an orgy with her watching, while he shafts some woman and gets shafted himself by a man up the butt. uh-huh... right. yeah. plot device, "surprise" +/- "revulsion".
By this time re-minisce is really sick of movie but female companion has fallen asleep, or looks like she has. bugger. so much for my uh, withdrawal from hell.
cut to next scene, woman having baby, baby has placenta praevia (for those in the know), husband unconcerned when contacted, doesn't wanna go to hospital, goes to hospital, sees premmie in incubator and runs away. cue lots of angsty and emotion from woman and her parents. blea.
cut to next scene, woman and man getting married, extended dancing scenes lasting FOREVER for no reason, slow-motion capture of dancing scene while music changes from festive to funereal, for NO REASON. uh huh. yep. back to bridal bedroom, woman and man fooling around on bed with clothes half-off, woman goes to toilet to take wedding dress off completely because apparently they can't manage all the fiddly bits in bed (ha, for shame) and when she comes back out sexy sexy in white garters and bra and panties but new groom too tired after wine and falls into deep coma.
Woman puts clothes over sexy sexy underwear (har. jeans over garters. can ah. okay... shrug.) and wanders outside, looks at her parents dancing, smiles, wanders some more, sits on a log, and therefore (note the subtlety. therefore.) an american man appears out of nowhere, shares a ciggy with her, feels her up to her weak protests, snogs her (to no protests) and then cut to morning when she is running back to bedroom after apparent all-night fuck in the bushes with american man, on her wedding night.
Note to women, re-minisce hypothesizes that movie is trying to tell us : if your husband isn't up for it, don't worry there will be an american man somewhere out there lurking around the corner from you in your hotel all up for filling you up nicely like a gas pump. rolls eyes.
By this time most of the audience is either dead or glazing over.
Long gratuitious scene about how woman first met man when he was seeing another woman. Oh I can't do this any longer.
The movie just sucked bigtime.
Take it from me.
And if any of you are stupid enough to still catch it, someone explain to me why the morning romp in the sand while man's girlfriend is having a nice trek in the jungle (which, in directors mind probably translates into a 20 on 1 gangbang) winds up the movie with man and wife-to-be diving into the sea at sunset. What gives? I suppose it was some kinda sexual time-warp?
*****
In other news, Re-minisce will be listing mr miyagi and some other wonderful writers on his blogroll, soon. Someday. When he overcomes his inherent laziness to tweak that template...
