Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Why I Hate MrBrown
(I'm only posting this here because I can't figure out how his email thingie works.)
Dear MrBrown Person.
Words cannot describe how much I abhor your website, what with its poncy clean-cut designer lines and simple yet effective layout, and girlisly immaculate text-wrapping. Your succinct and astute posts are frustrating hilarious and invariably leave me tearing my hair out by the roots with the effort of not laughing.
You are also really inconsiderate and foolhardy - do you know how upset you must be making the country's True Patriots with your infrequent but dastardly sideswipes at Big Brother and Big Brother's Father, Mother, and Grandma? You boldly step in where even cleaners would fear to tread, and it enrages my sense of injustice that you continue to possess property, bank balance and even a wife and baby.
Your juvenile SNE pieces pack more pace and punch than mike tyson and bite just as hard, and thanks to you I have sprained my intercostal muscles countless times gasping for breath between guffaws. It really hurts damn you.
Your baby pictures are always nauseatingly cute and it is always with abject horror that I catch myself smiling vacantly at them and thinking horribly paternal thoughts like "awwwwww."
Let me make this very clear. (Don't you dare) stop writing, or else I will unleash the hordes of my imaginary legions of supporters upon your home, remove every last imac from it and replace them with windows XP systems complete with the "Bliss" background.
In short, keep up the good work mate.
Your grudging fan,
re-minisce
(and please for the love of God stop linking me from your site. I keep getting these weirdo fans of yours with strange sexual fetishes and wannabe wits as acute as used barrier contraceptive devices leaving disturbing comments on my blog. The gutter around my blogspace is only large enough to fit so many minds...)
*****
An other Truth
This is someone else's truth. I've read through a fair bit of it, and I believe him. There's far too much detail for this to be the work of some snot-nosed kid out for a quick buck (today in the park : two cute kids walking around with a sheet of paper asking for "sponsors". Funny how nobody actually read the sheet of paper, just gave them cash and put down their names.) and his latest post (which completed his introduction to himself and why he was writing cancergiggles) moved me profoundly.
I don't know you, stranger - but I wish I could have had the honour of calling you friend.
Thank you for sharing your Truths with us; thank you for your courage, and your ineffable strength and humour in the face of the ultimate adversity.
There are so many things we wish in this lifetime for ourselves, but so few we wish unto strangers. You have wished those around you, - and by extension everyone who reads you - well, and I cannot help but feel in awe of you.
You have given us all an unspoken wish of knowledge, and... in an odd way, faith. Faith in a system that somedays even I had trouble believing in, and I was supposed to be one of the providers. And faith in the spirit of human decency and good-naturedness - yours.
I just wish things could have turned out... some other way.
Be well, and die well, stranger.
And thank you for your words - written from the heart, just because. No other reason, no self-gain : just because.
Dear MrBrown Person.
Words cannot describe how much I abhor your website, what with its poncy clean-cut designer lines and simple yet effective layout, and girlisly immaculate text-wrapping. Your succinct and astute posts are frustrating hilarious and invariably leave me tearing my hair out by the roots with the effort of not laughing.
You are also really inconsiderate and foolhardy - do you know how upset you must be making the country's True Patriots with your infrequent but dastardly sideswipes at Big Brother and Big Brother's Father, Mother, and Grandma? You boldly step in where even cleaners would fear to tread, and it enrages my sense of injustice that you continue to possess property, bank balance and even a wife and baby.
Your juvenile SNE pieces pack more pace and punch than mike tyson and bite just as hard, and thanks to you I have sprained my intercostal muscles countless times gasping for breath between guffaws. It really hurts damn you.
Your baby pictures are always nauseatingly cute and it is always with abject horror that I catch myself smiling vacantly at them and thinking horribly paternal thoughts like "awwwwww."
Let me make this very clear. (Don't you dare) stop writing, or else I will unleash the hordes of my imaginary legions of supporters upon your home, remove every last imac from it and replace them with windows XP systems complete with the "Bliss" background.
In short, keep up the good work mate.
Your grudging fan,
re-minisce
(and please for the love of God stop linking me from your site. I keep getting these weirdo fans of yours with strange sexual fetishes and wannabe wits as acute as used barrier contraceptive devices leaving disturbing comments on my blog. The gutter around my blogspace is only large enough to fit so many minds...)
*****
An other Truth
This is someone else's truth. I've read through a fair bit of it, and I believe him. There's far too much detail for this to be the work of some snot-nosed kid out for a quick buck (today in the park : two cute kids walking around with a sheet of paper asking for "sponsors". Funny how nobody actually read the sheet of paper, just gave them cash and put down their names.) and his latest post (which completed his introduction to himself and why he was writing cancergiggles) moved me profoundly.
I don't know you, stranger - but I wish I could have had the honour of calling you friend.
Thank you for sharing your Truths with us; thank you for your courage, and your ineffable strength and humour in the face of the ultimate adversity.
There are so many things we wish in this lifetime for ourselves, but so few we wish unto strangers. You have wished those around you, - and by extension everyone who reads you - well, and I cannot help but feel in awe of you.
You have given us all an unspoken wish of knowledge, and... in an odd way, faith. Faith in a system that somedays even I had trouble believing in, and I was supposed to be one of the providers. And faith in the spirit of human decency and good-naturedness - yours.
I just wish things could have turned out... some other way.
Be well, and die well, stranger.
And thank you for your words - written from the heart, just because. No other reason, no self-gain : just because.
