Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The Drinking Divide
I haven't really had time, of late, for myself, what with trying to write chapter 5, applying for a new job (still no job, sob), a horrible chain of shifts (weekend 1400-0200, mon 1500-2300, tue 0900-0600) and writing for lingualnerve.com. (heh. at least I don't have to plough through any epic emails at the moment. strange though, i liked those epic emails... I, masochist)
I don't really know when I started becoming an "expressive" individual. The armchair psychologist in me thinks that perhaps it was a response to all the bottled-up thoughts in me post Her (never got the chance to say what I wanted to, being estranged and -voluntarily- excommunicated all-in-one) and the last ex, where my caveman genes reared their ugly heads.
Anyway, here and now, the next twenty minutes before the daily sojourn to work is for me, myself, and my bowl of honey nut cheerios.
*****
The Inner Boozer
There's a folk-saying that goes like this :
Beer and wine - you'll be fine.
wine then beer - you'll feel queer.
Everytime I clerk a patient, I ask them how much they drink. I think it's a leftover med-school reflex that I never lost, and it just bugs me if my clerkings don't include an alcohol history. I'm sure anyone who reads my minors clerkings get irritated by it. Most A&E doctors have their minors clerkings down to two lines. (eg - fall, tender lateral malleolous, Xray fracture, backslab, home, fracture clinic review) Me, I still write mini essays (how much do you smoke, how much do you drink?). Sometimes I even make kids feel guilty about their smoking habits, heh heh heh. Anything to give me a buzz.
The thing is, how many of you (ok, you doctors anyway. non doctors, this is another insight into our tiny little doctory brains) take an alcohol history, then summarily multiply it by two?
"how much do you drink?"
"oh, not very much doctor."
"how much."
"uh." pause.
longer pause
"a couple of pint weekends?"
document - 7 u ETOH per week, binges, weekends.
I do it so effortlessly now I'm barely aware of it, and in my medi-arrogance, I know I'm right. It stems from taking lotsa histories when girlfriends / wives are present. Human psychology 101. When confronted with a nasty question, pause, think then lie. And on my part, well... guilt stops me pushing the question. Guilt that that queue to be seen is still steadily growing, get a move on with it. Funny how guilt increasingly seems to be blonde and wear a dark blue uniform, and poke me in the ribs whenever she's walking past. Cough. Or worse.
It struck me that I can casually attribute 7 units of spirits to some high-spirited girl's inebriated state (it's not a pretty sight, believe me. They often come in flat on their faces covered in vomit and for some strange reason, distressed and crying) and I often snigger internally when their rellies reply
"She/he hasn't had that much to drink, only 7 shots of vodka!"
(Yeah, right. of Course she's not drunk, her drink must have been spiked, right?)
Thing is, looking at my own life, err well.
That recent Italiano fiasco (Oh, it's such a shame that you won't get to... laughs. i'll spare her blushes.) I had everything I wrote in that short snippet, and ah, a glass of fine champagne before hand.
Counts on one hand. Oo.
Counts on two hands. let's make that about 7 units. Heavily mixed alcohols.
So I tell myself, it must be slightly different, see. I guess I can hold my drink - I've never actually gotten pissed, and certainly never wound up lying on my face in a pool of vomit.
Why this should be so I have no idea, since I don't drink very often. I ought to be a flyweight in the alcohol arena, considering I often go months (up to six!) at a time without touching any of the stuff. It all depends if anyone's asking me out, you see. That and the stuff has to taste exquisite on the palate. I'm a snobbish pisshead. laughs.
I wonder what would happen if I took my own alcohol history.
"How much do you have to drink a week"
"Oh, I don't drink every week. I only drink about once a month if at that at all."
Frown. "Okay, well give me an average".
"Err, well when I do have a drink I have about. err. um. ten to fifteen units."
Impassive. Document : thirty units a week, binges weekends.
But, but, but it's not like that at all. Whimper. Honest.
Anyway, I'd like to end this meaningless rant with a favourite quote.
I think it was George Burns, God rest his soul, who said :
"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me, than a full frontal lobotomy".
I don't really know when I started becoming an "expressive" individual. The armchair psychologist in me thinks that perhaps it was a response to all the bottled-up thoughts in me post Her (never got the chance to say what I wanted to, being estranged and -voluntarily- excommunicated all-in-one) and the last ex, where my caveman genes reared their ugly heads.
Anyway, here and now, the next twenty minutes before the daily sojourn to work is for me, myself, and my bowl of honey nut cheerios.
*****
The Inner Boozer
There's a folk-saying that goes like this :
Beer and wine - you'll be fine.
wine then beer - you'll feel queer.
Everytime I clerk a patient, I ask them how much they drink. I think it's a leftover med-school reflex that I never lost, and it just bugs me if my clerkings don't include an alcohol history. I'm sure anyone who reads my minors clerkings get irritated by it. Most A&E doctors have their minors clerkings down to two lines. (eg - fall, tender lateral malleolous, Xray fracture, backslab, home, fracture clinic review) Me, I still write mini essays (how much do you smoke, how much do you drink?). Sometimes I even make kids feel guilty about their smoking habits, heh heh heh. Anything to give me a buzz.
The thing is, how many of you (ok, you doctors anyway. non doctors, this is another insight into our tiny little doctory brains) take an alcohol history, then summarily multiply it by two?
"how much do you drink?"
"oh, not very much doctor."
"how much."
"uh." pause.
longer pause
"a couple of pint weekends?"
document - 7 u ETOH per week, binges, weekends.
I do it so effortlessly now I'm barely aware of it, and in my medi-arrogance, I know I'm right. It stems from taking lotsa histories when girlfriends / wives are present. Human psychology 101. When confronted with a nasty question, pause, think then lie. And on my part, well... guilt stops me pushing the question. Guilt that that queue to be seen is still steadily growing, get a move on with it. Funny how guilt increasingly seems to be blonde and wear a dark blue uniform, and poke me in the ribs whenever she's walking past. Cough. Or worse.
It struck me that I can casually attribute 7 units of spirits to some high-spirited girl's inebriated state (it's not a pretty sight, believe me. They often come in flat on their faces covered in vomit and for some strange reason, distressed and crying) and I often snigger internally when their rellies reply
"She/he hasn't had that much to drink, only 7 shots of vodka!"
(Yeah, right. of Course she's not drunk, her drink must have been spiked, right?)
Thing is, looking at my own life, err well.
That recent Italiano fiasco (Oh, it's such a shame that you won't get to... laughs. i'll spare her blushes.) I had everything I wrote in that short snippet, and ah, a glass of fine champagne before hand.
Counts on one hand. Oo.
Counts on two hands. let's make that about 7 units. Heavily mixed alcohols.
So I tell myself, it must be slightly different, see. I guess I can hold my drink - I've never actually gotten pissed, and certainly never wound up lying on my face in a pool of vomit.
Why this should be so I have no idea, since I don't drink very often. I ought to be a flyweight in the alcohol arena, considering I often go months (up to six!) at a time without touching any of the stuff. It all depends if anyone's asking me out, you see. That and the stuff has to taste exquisite on the palate. I'm a snobbish pisshead. laughs.
I wonder what would happen if I took my own alcohol history.
"How much do you have to drink a week"
"Oh, I don't drink every week. I only drink about once a month if at that at all."
Frown. "Okay, well give me an average".
"Err, well when I do have a drink I have about. err. um. ten to fifteen units."
Impassive. Document : thirty units a week, binges weekends.
But, but, but it's not like that at all. Whimper. Honest.
Anyway, I'd like to end this meaningless rant with a favourite quote.
I think it was George Burns, God rest his soul, who said :
"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me, than a full frontal lobotomy".
