Saturday, June 12, 2004
Low Life
Actually, for such an ordinary guy, re-minisce has had a pretty damn unusual time this life. Put one foot wrong, and the whole path goes wonky.
1) The Crime Lords
Sitting, pouring wine for the son of London's #1 triad leader and saying, with a vague (and trembley, and slightly forced) Honkie accent (when in rome...) : "Eh dai kor, drink, drink." and "This is very good wine! Thank you so much!!" he thinks to himself : "DAMN! HOW DID I WIND UP HERE?!??! Oh yeah. It was mumblemumble's damn sister who rubs shoulders with These "local celebrities." who twisted his arm into coming along. mommy. Get me outta here."
Any minute now, the doors will burst open and a crazed gunman will charge in spraying automatic fire around the room.
Or worse still - maybe the media will appear. cringe. He can see it all now. Chinese... underground connections... medical stu.... struck off...
The scrawny oriental security guys with their hands tucked into their jacket lapels don't look very reassuring either.
2) Viva, Las London
Round and round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows! Rii-ight. Someone remind me again how this ties in with the Faith? Looks to me like you guys have a little "problem". Oh. Apparently it's okay if your intentions are simply to enjoy it and not financial. (heyyy. Spearmint Rhino. and high class "escorts". I wonder...) Would you like to play? uh. no thanks. I'll just sit here and eat my snacks. nice snacks.
3) Keeping up Appearances
The setting - two people sitting in a car staring mutely at nothing in particular. The heat of the mid-day sun is oppressive.
(He's thinking - this is. ridiculous.)
She, tearfully. Angrilly : noise. (Something about dressing inappropriately.)
He, Angrilly : noise. (But it's a hawker centre. Dammit.)
She : noise. (meeting people, parents, putting parents to shame)
He : noise. (everyone else was in shorts and slippers)
She : noise. (do you want to be like these people?)
He : silence.
She : noise. (maybe we should break up)
He : noise. almost gratefully? (maybe we should)
He thinks (maybe this is the moment, at last)
silence.
The Trophy
Pan -
Box office seats. Front row, complete with red cord.
Zoom out a little -
Two Generic blokes. Besuited. With ties on.
voice-over -
(bloke 1, silently, in his mind) This is. ridiculous.
Bloke 1 turns his head slightly to look at the other guy in his suit.
(bloke 1, aloud : so why are you doing this? don't you feel... like you're for show? Like we're not real?)
Bloke 2 looks puzzled.
Zoom out a whole lot -
Rows, upon rows of seats. No, pews. T-shirted people sweating faintly in the open-air heat, waiting in anticipation for the show - no, mass - to begin. One almost expects a popcorn-and- cigarette woman, any second... now.
Zoom out yet more -
A stage. The show commences. Bright colours. Song and dance routines.
Zoom back in, and in, and in -
Generic bloke 1 has stripped off the tie, and now the jacket.
Silently, in his mind : this is a travesty of all that is and was significant in my mind. I will not play this game.
This is a place of worship. There is no place for this charade, in a house of God.
The Trophy 2
A man, sitting, bemused at a table of strangers. Everyone's smiling vacantly at each other. Oh, so you're (person)'s (appendage)!
Hello. I have a name.
This is ridiculous. She's not even here with me, she's floating far away. Playing their little, inconsequential games.
Words
"Don't you understand? All of these things - these things you do "for" me. None of them are important! You are missing the true significances!"
Tears. Anger. Resentment.
The words that should have been - but would have changed the outcome. And hence could not be said :
"I am not your dog. I am not a toy. I did not ask for these things, these shows of caring. I did not ask for these toys, these clothes, to be FED!
Time. Is all that is significant. Simple, uninterrupted time."
The MisGuide
Part of him sees the good in her. And he, in his obstinate almost-arrogance, keeps running into the wall, trying futilely to save her.
And part of him sees her, for her. Eyes renewed. And the part of her that is good... the part that sparked it all... is only but a part.
Stepping back - he sees the rest of her. And hears his mother's words : (tactful pause) Uh, what happened to the tall one?
And part of him is too gutless to do what must be done. It's a man's life. And sometimes that, really, sucks.
The Burden of The Ring
For her birthday, he decides to buy her a PDA. PDAs are incredibly useful in medicine, they store whole textbooks. They organise meetings and lectures. They can even store medical notes for on-the-go revision. PDAs don't come cheap either for a medical student financially dependent on his parents. She's initially thrilled by the thought.
Word filters through (her) that her father wants him to get her something else. Not something "cheap" like a three hundred pound PDA... a gift that "means something" - like a ring. Suddenly she's all upset that he's being cheap.
He thinks : What? Isn't the meaning of a gift in the giving? Isn't the significance the thought behind it all?
Isn't the point for the GIVER to give freely of his own volition?
Well fuck you, daddy.
(He gets her the PDA anyhow. She's unhappy for a while.)
The Ring
Christmas.
Two people speaking on the telephone.
She's become all upset. He's burning with repressed frustration and rage. Women have subtle ways of bending men's arms to get what they want. This is a prime example of one.
He : "What? What do you WANT?"
She won't say.
He : "Is it a ring???"
She seems happier, suddenly. He thinks "Is that ALL? That's all this was about?"
That's - so sad and predictable. But he holds his peace. She doesn't really understand about Significance, does she.
And about rings - they ought to be gifts from the heart. Given when the giver is ready to. They ought to mean something - otherwise they're just twisted lumps of metal that adorn fingers. Things to show off to friends - look, see, he loves me.
He burns for a while later, silently. Sure, she tries to meet him in the middle, settles for browsing "cheap" places, since of course, "poor" medical students like him can't afford rocks from Tiffanys.
The Watch
She's decided to buy him a watch to replace the less-than-acceptible thing that he wears on his wrist to keep time with. He doesn't really mind either way, it wasn't his idea.
Standing in front of a window display, she asks him which one he likes. He casts his eye over the bewildering assortment of watches and thinks, well, if I was interested in watches, which one would I like?
His eye settles on one with clean lines, and subtle inlays. Something that looks simple, yet appealing. He points. She pales. Oh. Apparently it costs somewhere in excess of a thousand dollars. Heh. I have expensive tastes after all, for a simple "poor" kid.
He doesn't, of course, wind up with that watch. Not that he really minds... he didn't even want a new watch to begin with. He'd have kept his peace if she hadn't dragged him before the window, and asked him to Choose.
The Gift
Christmas.
A cosy setting. Five people at home.
He's sitting on the floor, about to open his present. His fingers methodically unwrap it, and the box comes apart. Oh. Gee. A branded tie. And an ugly one at that. Everything I ever wanted.
But smile, smile. The cameras are rolling. (Quite literally. The click-click-clicks are rather unnerving) The cameras are always rolling in this household, even during quiet moments at home on Christmas day. Smile like you mean it, with your lips. Oh! how wonderful! thank you, thank you so very much!
And don't worry, these people don't know how to read eyes.
Release
Were they torn up to see the back of him?
He really, honestly, didn't give a damn.
1) The Crime Lords
Sitting, pouring wine for the son of London's #1 triad leader and saying, with a vague (and trembley, and slightly forced) Honkie accent (when in rome...) : "Eh dai kor, drink, drink." and "This is very good wine! Thank you so much!!" he thinks to himself : "DAMN! HOW DID I WIND UP HERE?!??! Oh yeah. It was mumblemumble's damn sister who rubs shoulders with These "local celebrities." who twisted his arm into coming along. mommy. Get me outta here."
Any minute now, the doors will burst open and a crazed gunman will charge in spraying automatic fire around the room.
Or worse still - maybe the media will appear. cringe. He can see it all now. Chinese... underground connections... medical stu.... struck off...
The scrawny oriental security guys with their hands tucked into their jacket lapels don't look very reassuring either.
2) Viva, Las London
Round and round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows! Rii-ight. Someone remind me again how this ties in with the Faith? Looks to me like you guys have a little "problem". Oh. Apparently it's okay if your intentions are simply to enjoy it and not financial. (heyyy. Spearmint Rhino. and high class "escorts". I wonder...) Would you like to play? uh. no thanks. I'll just sit here and eat my snacks. nice snacks.
3) Keeping up Appearances
The setting - two people sitting in a car staring mutely at nothing in particular. The heat of the mid-day sun is oppressive.
(He's thinking - this is. ridiculous.)
She, tearfully. Angrilly : noise. (Something about dressing inappropriately.)
He, Angrilly : noise. (But it's a hawker centre. Dammit.)
She : noise. (meeting people, parents, putting parents to shame)
He : noise. (everyone else was in shorts and slippers)
She : noise. (do you want to be like these people?)
He : silence.
She : noise. (maybe we should break up)
He : noise. almost gratefully? (maybe we should)
He thinks (maybe this is the moment, at last)
silence.
The Trophy
Pan -
Box office seats. Front row, complete with red cord.
Zoom out a little -
Two Generic blokes. Besuited. With ties on.
voice-over -
(bloke 1, silently, in his mind) This is. ridiculous.
Bloke 1 turns his head slightly to look at the other guy in his suit.
(bloke 1, aloud : so why are you doing this? don't you feel... like you're for show? Like we're not real?)
Bloke 2 looks puzzled.
Zoom out a whole lot -
Rows, upon rows of seats. No, pews. T-shirted people sweating faintly in the open-air heat, waiting in anticipation for the show - no, mass - to begin. One almost expects a popcorn-and- cigarette woman, any second... now.
Zoom out yet more -
A stage. The show commences. Bright colours. Song and dance routines.
Zoom back in, and in, and in -
Generic bloke 1 has stripped off the tie, and now the jacket.
Silently, in his mind : this is a travesty of all that is and was significant in my mind. I will not play this game.
This is a place of worship. There is no place for this charade, in a house of God.
The Trophy 2
A man, sitting, bemused at a table of strangers. Everyone's smiling vacantly at each other. Oh, so you're (person)'s (appendage)!
Hello. I have a name.
This is ridiculous. She's not even here with me, she's floating far away. Playing their little, inconsequential games.
Words
"Don't you understand? All of these things - these things you do "for" me. None of them are important! You are missing the true significances!"
Tears. Anger. Resentment.
The words that should have been - but would have changed the outcome. And hence could not be said :
"I am not your dog. I am not a toy. I did not ask for these things, these shows of caring. I did not ask for these toys, these clothes, to be FED!
Time. Is all that is significant. Simple, uninterrupted time."
The MisGuide
Part of him sees the good in her. And he, in his obstinate almost-arrogance, keeps running into the wall, trying futilely to save her.
And part of him sees her, for her. Eyes renewed. And the part of her that is good... the part that sparked it all... is only but a part.
Stepping back - he sees the rest of her. And hears his mother's words : (tactful pause) Uh, what happened to the tall one?
And part of him is too gutless to do what must be done. It's a man's life. And sometimes that, really, sucks.
The Burden of The Ring
For her birthday, he decides to buy her a PDA. PDAs are incredibly useful in medicine, they store whole textbooks. They organise meetings and lectures. They can even store medical notes for on-the-go revision. PDAs don't come cheap either for a medical student financially dependent on his parents. She's initially thrilled by the thought.
Word filters through (her) that her father wants him to get her something else. Not something "cheap" like a three hundred pound PDA... a gift that "means something" - like a ring. Suddenly she's all upset that he's being cheap.
He thinks : What? Isn't the meaning of a gift in the giving? Isn't the significance the thought behind it all?
Isn't the point for the GIVER to give freely of his own volition?
Well fuck you, daddy.
(He gets her the PDA anyhow. She's unhappy for a while.)
The Ring
Christmas.
Two people speaking on the telephone.
She's become all upset. He's burning with repressed frustration and rage. Women have subtle ways of bending men's arms to get what they want. This is a prime example of one.
He : "What? What do you WANT?"
She won't say.
He : "Is it a ring???"
She seems happier, suddenly. He thinks "Is that ALL? That's all this was about?"
That's - so sad and predictable. But he holds his peace. She doesn't really understand about Significance, does she.
And about rings - they ought to be gifts from the heart. Given when the giver is ready to. They ought to mean something - otherwise they're just twisted lumps of metal that adorn fingers. Things to show off to friends - look, see, he loves me.
He burns for a while later, silently. Sure, she tries to meet him in the middle, settles for browsing "cheap" places, since of course, "poor" medical students like him can't afford rocks from Tiffanys.
The Watch
She's decided to buy him a watch to replace the less-than-acceptible thing that he wears on his wrist to keep time with. He doesn't really mind either way, it wasn't his idea.
Standing in front of a window display, she asks him which one he likes. He casts his eye over the bewildering assortment of watches and thinks, well, if I was interested in watches, which one would I like?
His eye settles on one with clean lines, and subtle inlays. Something that looks simple, yet appealing. He points. She pales. Oh. Apparently it costs somewhere in excess of a thousand dollars. Heh. I have expensive tastes after all, for a simple "poor" kid.
He doesn't, of course, wind up with that watch. Not that he really minds... he didn't even want a new watch to begin with. He'd have kept his peace if she hadn't dragged him before the window, and asked him to Choose.
The Gift
Christmas.
A cosy setting. Five people at home.
He's sitting on the floor, about to open his present. His fingers methodically unwrap it, and the box comes apart. Oh. Gee. A branded tie. And an ugly one at that. Everything I ever wanted.
But smile, smile. The cameras are rolling. (Quite literally. The click-click-clicks are rather unnerving) The cameras are always rolling in this household, even during quiet moments at home on Christmas day. Smile like you mean it, with your lips. Oh! how wonderful! thank you, thank you so very much!
And don't worry, these people don't know how to read eyes.
Release
Were they torn up to see the back of him?
He really, honestly, didn't give a damn.
