Saturday, May 01, 2004
Aria
A lifetime ago last night, I found myself re-exploring some very, very tired questions.
But how will you know, when you know?
As my dinner-companion left to visit the washroom, my eyes, heavy with the unholy combination of work and influenza closed themselves to the world - for an instant - as I gratefully rested my head in hands.
The common point is this : As long as he's happy, I'm happy
So sleepy.
Yes, I suppose that may be enough. Living to make someone else happy. There can be no nobler cause.
Wait. No. What happens when he/she's not happy? Would you still be happy? What if he/she is unhappy? What then?
He remembers the ex, constantly unhappy because she couldn't make him laugh. And he remembers himself feeling unhappy in return. A vicious, and endless cycle. Two snakes devouring each other's tails.
How... trite.
As long as he's happy, I'm happy.
No. No, no. No.
Happiness is trivial. Happiness is merely an added bonus - not an integral requirement. Happiness does not define, or delineate anything. Happiness is transient.
There must be a higher purpose.
How will you know when you know?
How did you know when you fell in love - the first time?
Was there a sudden catharsis - one moment not, and the next moment wholly in love with someone, heart and soul, till death do part? Surely not.
Or did you just... know. Hazy moments from the past of minor, ?suppressed insights gelling inexorable into a larger, more powerful and undeniable Truth - the whole being more than the sum of its individual pieces?
Perhaps falling in love is at best, an Art, and at the worst, an imprecise science.
Approaching the quandry rationally leads only to confusion. And more insoluble puzzles.
And so, in turn - perhaps knowing "The One" is similar to - or possibly an extension of falling in love, although with subtle differences. Knowing. Not that "this is love", but rather - "this is The One".
Watching the pieces fall into place.
Listening for that final "click" as the last pin slides home into it's chamber, and the lock springs apart.
The key, for me - is much, much more than happiness. Anger. Sadness. Comfort. Pain. Laughter. Tears. Warmth. Cold.
Life.
Death.
The key is - Significance.
Rare in its scarcity, priceless in it's rarity. Overwhelming in its discovery - encountered, not sought. Unforgettable in its unmasking.
You know when you Know
******
I wake with a start as she touches me on the shoulder. Time to leave this place behind us.
*****
More than words
Significance : not just a word.
Thoughts, and deeds. Feelings. Moments.
Life is mundane, but scattered sparsely between the multitudes of mind-numbing, easily-forgotten endless subroutines of Everyday are the occasional magic moments we cherish forever.
A step further - sometimes life feels, to me, like a (certain type of) console game. (Hah. yes. call in the mental health team...) Long periods of semi-mindless movements, with a distant aim buried faintly in the back of your mind. Running... always running, to get from point A to point B.
With the occasional save-points in between.
Even further - sometimes it feels like it's amost a script, to me. That it has to be done a certain way. Moments of significance choose you, and not vice versa. Thoughts. Actions. Feelings - not just words - choose you.
You would have changed things for the better.
You, copped out and asked instead "change what?" - refusing to answer the question. The mask raised immediately. *shrug*
I... would not have changed a thing.
Partly because I could not have... even had I possessed the sure knowledge of the bleakness the future would bring.
And partly because changing it would somehow detract from the significance of it all.
But how will you know, when you know?
As my dinner-companion left to visit the washroom, my eyes, heavy with the unholy combination of work and influenza closed themselves to the world - for an instant - as I gratefully rested my head in hands.
The common point is this : As long as he's happy, I'm happy
So sleepy.
Yes, I suppose that may be enough. Living to make someone else happy. There can be no nobler cause.
Wait. No. What happens when he/she's not happy? Would you still be happy? What if he/she is unhappy? What then?
He remembers the ex, constantly unhappy because she couldn't make him laugh. And he remembers himself feeling unhappy in return. A vicious, and endless cycle. Two snakes devouring each other's tails.
How... trite.
As long as he's happy, I'm happy.
No. No, no. No.
Happiness is trivial. Happiness is merely an added bonus - not an integral requirement. Happiness does not define, or delineate anything. Happiness is transient.
There must be a higher purpose.
How will you know when you know?
How did you know when you fell in love - the first time?
Was there a sudden catharsis - one moment not, and the next moment wholly in love with someone, heart and soul, till death do part? Surely not.
Or did you just... know. Hazy moments from the past of minor, ?suppressed insights gelling inexorable into a larger, more powerful and undeniable Truth - the whole being more than the sum of its individual pieces?
Perhaps falling in love is at best, an Art, and at the worst, an imprecise science.
Approaching the quandry rationally leads only to confusion. And more insoluble puzzles.
And so, in turn - perhaps knowing "The One" is similar to - or possibly an extension of falling in love, although with subtle differences. Knowing. Not that "this is love", but rather - "this is The One".
Watching the pieces fall into place.
Listening for that final "click" as the last pin slides home into it's chamber, and the lock springs apart.
The key, for me - is much, much more than happiness. Anger. Sadness. Comfort. Pain. Laughter. Tears. Warmth. Cold.
Life.
Death.
The key is - Significance.
Rare in its scarcity, priceless in it's rarity. Overwhelming in its discovery - encountered, not sought. Unforgettable in its unmasking.
You know when you Know
******
I wake with a start as she touches me on the shoulder. Time to leave this place behind us.
*****
More than words
Significance : not just a word.
Thoughts, and deeds. Feelings. Moments.
Life is mundane, but scattered sparsely between the multitudes of mind-numbing, easily-forgotten endless subroutines of Everyday are the occasional magic moments we cherish forever.
A step further - sometimes life feels, to me, like a (certain type of) console game. (Hah. yes. call in the mental health team...) Long periods of semi-mindless movements, with a distant aim buried faintly in the back of your mind. Running... always running, to get from point A to point B.
With the occasional save-points in between.
Even further - sometimes it feels like it's amost a script, to me. That it has to be done a certain way. Moments of significance choose you, and not vice versa. Thoughts. Actions. Feelings - not just words - choose you.
You would have changed things for the better.
You, copped out and asked instead "change what?" - refusing to answer the question. The mask raised immediately. *shrug*
I... would not have changed a thing.
Partly because I could not have... even had I possessed the sure knowledge of the bleakness the future would bring.
And partly because changing it would somehow detract from the significance of it all.
