Thursday, April 08, 2004
Temporal rift
He scrolls down and inadvertently re-reads a snippet. "shake".
Suddenly he's there again. He even remembers the backlighting, and the garden.
Vision fogs a little.
Shit.
Too well preserved.
Distance. You need to. Step back.
Why didn't I write all this down then?
*****
Reading a random muse about younger men and older women, he pauses to speculate.
1) maybe it's true that people born under the same star sign think alike after all. There are naunces of speech, turns of phrase; unexpected applications of humour; even concepts he's grappled with on his own blog(s) which feel strangely reminiscent. This stranger is so, so familiar.
He feels so unoriginal.
Nah. Astrology; load of hogwash.
2) This is something new he's never really stopped to think about. Hmm. Older, vs younger.
Looks at own track record. Lessee. same age. 4 years older. 5 years younger.
Never really saw people as ages; just people. But yeah, going out with a younger woman was rough going. I felt like I'd grown out of her stage of life the almost the second I met her. Mebbe it had something to do with graduating.
The older woman. A remarkable individual. An overwhelming deluge of intense childlike emotions. But there were times when he "stepped out" of it all, and strangely, felt the older of the two. Increasingly towards the end. Responsibility.
Running out of Time. Clock ticking.
Deserves a shot at something Real.
Kids, family. Completeness.
I cannot bear the burden of ruining that for anyone, on my shoulders.
Back, back, double-step and out.
So old.
He scrolls down and inadvertently re-reads a snippet. "shake".
Suddenly he's there again. He even remembers the backlighting, and the garden.
Vision fogs a little.
Shit.
Too well preserved.
Distance. You need to. Step back.
Why didn't I write all this down then?
*****
Reading a random muse about younger men and older women, he pauses to speculate.
1) maybe it's true that people born under the same star sign think alike after all. There are naunces of speech, turns of phrase; unexpected applications of humour; even concepts he's grappled with on his own blog(s) which feel strangely reminiscent. This stranger is so, so familiar.
He feels so unoriginal.
Nah. Astrology; load of hogwash.
2) This is something new he's never really stopped to think about. Hmm. Older, vs younger.
Looks at own track record. Lessee. same age. 4 years older. 5 years younger.
Never really saw people as ages; just people. But yeah, going out with a younger woman was rough going. I felt like I'd grown out of her stage of life the almost the second I met her. Mebbe it had something to do with graduating.
The older woman. A remarkable individual. An overwhelming deluge of intense childlike emotions. But there were times when he "stepped out" of it all, and strangely, felt the older of the two. Increasingly towards the end. Responsibility.
Running out of Time. Clock ticking.
Deserves a shot at something Real.
Kids, family. Completeness.
I cannot bear the burden of ruining that for anyone, on my shoulders.
Back, back, double-step and out.
So old.
