Sunday, August 17, 2003
Dear Kim,
I remember you once asking me if I liked being sad, once upon a lifetime ago. I suppose you watched me assuming the role of tragic hero from the same perspective as everyone else, and wondered if I was just being melodramatic. Isn't it strange? All I wanted to be was alone in my thoughts, but nobody would leave me alone.
Thank you, at any rate, for asking. Nobody else did. But then you were always special.
I told you then, no, and you accepted it I suppose. And you were kind to me after. Thank you for your kindness.
But what I really should have said, a lifetime ago when I still knew people like you, was No. I hated it.
I hated having the role of tragic hero thrust upon me. I didn't choose for it to happen.Six years forlornly playing out a ridiculously tragic role, and five more stoicly trying not to rant aloud at the past. But what I do know is this. For one remarkable year, everything was - in full technicolour. And that is what, that is ALL I have really ever wanted to be.
And it was quite the opposite of sadness.
I remember you once asking me if I liked being sad, once upon a lifetime ago. I suppose you watched me assuming the role of tragic hero from the same perspective as everyone else, and wondered if I was just being melodramatic. Isn't it strange? All I wanted to be was alone in my thoughts, but nobody would leave me alone.
Thank you, at any rate, for asking. Nobody else did. But then you were always special.
I told you then, no, and you accepted it I suppose. And you were kind to me after. Thank you for your kindness.
But what I really should have said, a lifetime ago when I still knew people like you, was No. I hated it.
I hated having the role of tragic hero thrust upon me. I didn't choose for it to happen.Six years forlornly playing out a ridiculously tragic role, and five more stoicly trying not to rant aloud at the past. But what I do know is this. For one remarkable year, everything was - in full technicolour. And that is what, that is ALL I have really ever wanted to be.
And it was quite the opposite of sadness.
