Friday, July 11, 2003
I dreamt about dreaming about You last night.
I've had the dream before, sort of. We were talking and laughing next to each other, there was a table but I think this time we were sitting on the same side on a sofa thingy. I was happy, and so were you. I cast my eye about the room, listening to you laughing about something, and then I woke up. And as I woke I remembered my happiness sleepily, and thought that things weren't so bad now. And then I noticed little differences in the room I'd woken up in - a book wasn't in the same place as before - and I felt fear, and as I came fully away from that land somewhere between the realms of sleep and wakefulness, I realised it had all been a dream. I was speaking to Kenneth dejectedly about it, telling him my despair, the sheer extent of how tired I'd become of the story I'd written for myself. How much I missed You. And then I woke up, again. I haven't had a dream within a dream before - is it possible? And I haven't felt so sad on waking up in a long while.
The phone rang today, and after "hello?" I was met only with a pause, and the sounds of background ambient noises, people in the background. And as the silence lengthened, I suddenly thought I don't know why, that it might be Her. That familiar voice charged with life and amusement, that slightly drawly accent. And the sheer absurdedness of it made me feel like - any moment now - and then the line went dead.
I watched AI today, for the first time. I'd read a lot of bad things about it in assorted movie reviews, about how it didn't have enough tecchy scenes and hi-fi action sequences. But I loved it. It was as pure a movie as you could ask for - a simple, unadulterated story, written for the sake of the story, and not the audience. From the first tentative "??"s at the start of the movie, till the end when I was near to tears. A beautifully sad story. And that, I suspect, is why it didn't make it big at the box office. It didn't have big bang special effects, it didn't have a sweet happy ending. It didn't try to make a statement. In short, it wasn't superficial enough for most of the world.
It's been four days since I got back home and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I realise that I'm lonely, but not for any human company. I miss having someone who felt about things the way I did, who expressed herself in ways I appreciated, who had similar dreams and ideals to myself, who I could relate to without trying. Who I could speak to, so, so easily.
I've had the dream before, sort of. We were talking and laughing next to each other, there was a table but I think this time we were sitting on the same side on a sofa thingy. I was happy, and so were you. I cast my eye about the room, listening to you laughing about something, and then I woke up. And as I woke I remembered my happiness sleepily, and thought that things weren't so bad now. And then I noticed little differences in the room I'd woken up in - a book wasn't in the same place as before - and I felt fear, and as I came fully away from that land somewhere between the realms of sleep and wakefulness, I realised it had all been a dream. I was speaking to Kenneth dejectedly about it, telling him my despair, the sheer extent of how tired I'd become of the story I'd written for myself. How much I missed You. And then I woke up, again. I haven't had a dream within a dream before - is it possible? And I haven't felt so sad on waking up in a long while.
The phone rang today, and after "hello?" I was met only with a pause, and the sounds of background ambient noises, people in the background. And as the silence lengthened, I suddenly thought I don't know why, that it might be Her. That familiar voice charged with life and amusement, that slightly drawly accent. And the sheer absurdedness of it made me feel like - any moment now - and then the line went dead.
I watched AI today, for the first time. I'd read a lot of bad things about it in assorted movie reviews, about how it didn't have enough tecchy scenes and hi-fi action sequences. But I loved it. It was as pure a movie as you could ask for - a simple, unadulterated story, written for the sake of the story, and not the audience. From the first tentative "??"s at the start of the movie, till the end when I was near to tears. A beautifully sad story. And that, I suspect, is why it didn't make it big at the box office. It didn't have big bang special effects, it didn't have a sweet happy ending. It didn't try to make a statement. In short, it wasn't superficial enough for most of the world.
It's been four days since I got back home and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I realise that I'm lonely, but not for any human company. I miss having someone who felt about things the way I did, who expressed herself in ways I appreciated, who had similar dreams and ideals to myself, who I could relate to without trying. Who I could speak to, so, so easily.
