Truths of Old

Well, it happened. A relative's life drew to an end. I'm told it was a terrible, terrible affair. But I wasn't there, or rather, here to see it. The distance, well, distanced me. Granted, I was upset looking down upon him. His hands were so white, in stark contrast to the redwood of his coffin. But right now, I don't really know what to feel. And awful as this sounds, I feel immensely bored. Slightly disappointed. That madcap rush back completely unappreciated by everyone. I'm still pinned as the irresponsible one, who wasn't here at the time - nevermind that those were my orders. So, in the aftermath, I'm stuck here, completely wide awake, totally jetlagged, and bored out of my head. Watching television - there's nothing on. Or rather, I seem to be in trailerland. Whatever channel I'm on is showing the same 4 trailers over, and over, and over again. Why didn't they just have the channel shut down at a certain time, like all the other channels? In other news, my best friend tells me I don't seem very happy at the moment. He wants me to re-evaluate my life, and myself. Perhaps I will... if I become brave enough. Not just yet. Right now, I'm content, sitting here bored out of my skull... waiting for the frustration of coping with bossy not-quite in-laws who want me to treat them like my parents - and who want to pretend to treat me like their son. In a very stand-offish way. Nobody knows where to tread - least of all, me. But I rank somewhere down there in the hierarchy. I'm getting rather sick of it all. I'm tired of playing these picture games. I don't want to pretend anymore...