Truths of Old

and I stood by my window, seems like you were outside, looking in on me.
the foolish games may be gone, but I'm still here. and its not so bad, not so bad at all.

Well, it happened. A relative's life drew to an end. I'm told it was a terrible, terrible affair. But I wasn't there, or rather, here to see it. The distance, well, distanced me. Granted, I was upset looking down upon him. His hands were so white, in stark contrast to the redwood of his coffin. But right now, I don't really know what to feel. And awful as this sounds, I feel immensely bored. Slightly disappointed. That madcap rush back completely unappreciated by everyone. I'm still pinned as the irresponsible one, who wasn't here at the time - nevermind that those were my orders. So, in the aftermath, I'm stuck here, completely wide awake, totally jetlagged, and bored out of my head. Watching television - there's nothing on. Or rather, I seem to be in trailerland. Whatever channel I'm on is showing the same 4 trailers over, and over, and over again. Why didn't they just have the channel shut down at a certain time, like all the other channels? In other news, my best friend tells me I don't seem very happy at the moment. He wants me to re-evaluate my life, and myself. Perhaps I will... if I become brave enough. Not just yet. Right now, I'm content, sitting here bored out of my skull... waiting for the frustration of coping with bossy not-quite in-laws who want me to treat them like my parents - and who want to pretend to treat me like their son. In a very stand-offish way. Nobody knows where to tread - least of all, me. But I rank somewhere down there in the hierarchy. I'm getting rather sick of it all. I'm tired of playing these picture games. I don't want to pretend anymore...