Wednesday, August 06, 2003
An explanation to two people, reading this, who have advanced wild theories as to why I may have been slightly off colour last night, and possibly today.
Jealousy? I'm far too simple a person for that. I reserve jealousy for the girls I am in love with, and even then, I use it sparingly.
Neglect? I have stood alone for the better part of this life. Neglect would not sadden me; attention though does the converse.
The reason was far simpler.
Today, I spent the better part of the day slow-broiling on the london Underground. Not quite what I had in mind, for my first and last day off from the Urology Department, Whittington Hospital. I didn't walk down the thames at sunrise, I didn't iron my clothes, and I didn't get to pack my bag.
It is the How that saddens me, rather than the Why.
An honest mistake. I can forgive - everybody forgets things on occasion.
A a spur of the moment decision, a moment's irresponsibility - I can forgive as well. In fact, given the circumstances - someone is developing a rather strong afflic... I mean affection for someone else - and it even seems rather sweet. Two kindred (enigmatic) spirits verbally touching, deep into the night - and I smile to myself at the five-lettered word that flashes through my mind... it's just a word, a little word.
But the urgency of the matter rears its head. I will not have my farewell gifts to give to my team tomorrow.
I wait, and no solution is proposed. No apology advanced. No request for help raised. And I am saddened. And so my hand is forced, and I offer to inconvenience myself - there is no other way, really. And I receive in return, no apology, and no word of thanks, to take the edge off it. I am, in this equation, irrelevant.
The "sorry", when it comes, in retrospect, is hurried, and initially misplaced, for perceived neglect. Insight has not made much of an appearance, has it?
A friend does not use another friend.
It doesn't matter anymore to me. Water under the bridge - is soon forgotten. And in a short while, I will go to church and pray for the strength to forgive a friend, and then I will pack and prepare myself for the new life I am about to begin.
Jealousy? I'm far too simple a person for that. I reserve jealousy for the girls I am in love with, and even then, I use it sparingly.
Neglect? I have stood alone for the better part of this life. Neglect would not sadden me; attention though does the converse.
The reason was far simpler.
Today, I spent the better part of the day slow-broiling on the london Underground. Not quite what I had in mind, for my first and last day off from the Urology Department, Whittington Hospital. I didn't walk down the thames at sunrise, I didn't iron my clothes, and I didn't get to pack my bag.
It is the How that saddens me, rather than the Why.
An honest mistake. I can forgive - everybody forgets things on occasion.
A a spur of the moment decision, a moment's irresponsibility - I can forgive as well. In fact, given the circumstances - someone is developing a rather strong afflic... I mean affection for someone else - and it even seems rather sweet. Two kindred (enigmatic) spirits verbally touching, deep into the night - and I smile to myself at the five-lettered word that flashes through my mind... it's just a word, a little word.
But the urgency of the matter rears its head. I will not have my farewell gifts to give to my team tomorrow.
I wait, and no solution is proposed. No apology advanced. No request for help raised. And I am saddened. And so my hand is forced, and I offer to inconvenience myself - there is no other way, really. And I receive in return, no apology, and no word of thanks, to take the edge off it. I am, in this equation, irrelevant.
The "sorry", when it comes, in retrospect, is hurried, and initially misplaced, for perceived neglect. Insight has not made much of an appearance, has it?
A friend does not use another friend.
It doesn't matter anymore to me. Water under the bridge - is soon forgotten. And in a short while, I will go to church and pray for the strength to forgive a friend, and then I will pack and prepare myself for the new life I am about to begin.
